To my children
A couple was on the road trip. The exit sign showed a rest area was coming up. A wife asked the husband, “Don’t you want to drink coffee?” Husband replied, “No, I don’t want to drink it.” He kept on driving and passed the rest area exit.
A few minutes later, the husband felt something was wrong. “Honey, did I do something wrong?” She responded, “Didn’t I tell you I wanted drink some coffee?”
As a husband, I feel like someone just hit my head. I don’t understand women. If they want to drink coffee, they should say so. If they want something, all they need to do is to tell us, men.
There was a husband in his mid-60. He worked hard for his wife and family. He had a business. His wife was a homemaker and he did not think she knew much about the business. And he did not want her to worry about the business. So, he made all decisions and ran the business himself. Since he was the man of the house, he started to make major decisions at home, too. He never made these decisions for himself. He always thought about what’s best for his wife and the family.
Gradually, his wife got upset at him. She felt that he did not think much of her. He made all of the decisions himself. She wondered what she was to him. “Was I just to provide his children? Am I a maid to clean and cook?” She felt her life was wasted.
Those of us in 50-60’s grew up in the ages when the gender role was clearly divided probably understand the above stories. And even feel some in common.
I can think of my own childhood. Grown-up would not allow boys to go to the kitchen. I don’t remember pouring my own drinking water. I always asked my sisters to bring me water.
Instead, the men were supposed to support the family. Even if they had to rob the bank, they should not let his wife and children be hungry. If they did not provide it, they were labeled as incompetent.
Such labeling of gender role brings disappointments to both husband and wife. A wife who relied on husband for the support feels she has not achieved much in her life. A husband who spent his whole life working for the family gets upset when he finds out his wife does not appreciate it.
Little wounds here and there add up to become a serious one. A wife needs to have a courage to ask the husband to stop the car if she wants to drink coffee. Husband should ask his wife and children their opinions if the decision is related to them.
We need a better communication, not an exchange of words, but a communication that delivers feelings and souls.