Protecting our "future" happiness
We went to our first basketball game a couple of months ago. Going to basketball games with my daughters was something I really was looking forward to since my first daughter was born, but we didn’t make it happen until she was 12. No matter how much I tried to persuade the girls to like basketball, they were uninterested. I gave up trying to make them enjoy playing basketball, but I still had hopes of them enjoying the experience of watching the game in person. Washington DC has one of the worst basketball teams, and it works in our favor because the ticket prices are not as insanely expensive as those of Lakers games. We were going there for the “experience” of being at the actual game, so I didn’t care much about who the opposing team was, but I had to think really hard about which seats to buy. Here’s why.
If I buy not-so-good seats, which I can buy for around $40 per seat, it’s easier for us to make it a casual activity and visit several times per season. But if it’s too far away, the girls would probably prefer watching it on TV at home, with all the commentators and replays that come with watching on TV. And if their first experience is not so good, it will be harder to persuade them to come again later.
On the other hand, if I buy good seats (priced $90 or higher in my standard), the experience will definitely be better, but if their first experience is in good seats from where we can read the names on the jerseys, they will be disappointed next time when they get seats really high. That means once we make sitting in the 100s section (lower section of the stadium) the norm, we will not be able to appreciate anywhere farther than that. For a family of 5 like ours, it’s at least $500 per game, and it’s not going to be easy to casually say “Should we go to a game tonight?” without carefully planning our budget a month ahead.
There was a movie I watched when I was a kid, and I can’t even remember which movie it was. But there is a scene in that movie that’s somehow stuck with me and keeps coming back to me when I think about the topic of “happiness.” A primitive African from the past was brought to the present (probably in the late 80’s), and when he sees a toilet in the bathroom, he starts drinking it. Then, if I remember correctly, he is introduced to many other technological advancements that are jaw-dropping from his perspective. This scene from a movie leads me to think of rather common modern-day events where a person or a group of people from one of the poorest countries are invited to a city in the U.S. and get to experience things that they have never imagined. My question is “Are the hosting Americans doing them a favor by giving them joy, or are they being robbed of their joy forever?”
When a person lives in a world that has 1 through 5, with 5 being the best, 4 would make him a happy person. As soon as that person experiences a 7 outside of where he lives, he would be filled with joy and even feel privileged to have an opportunity to experience a 7. What if he learns that there are other places where there is a 10, and see people feeling miserable with only having 3s and 4s? He would go back to his world where the best is a 5. It would require him a lot of energy and self-control to be satisfied with a 4. If he had only known his world of 1 through 5, being completely happy with 4s and 5s would not require any energy and would be just natural.
This could be some material things, such as electronics and cars, or experiences, such as the basketball game example I gave earlier. I’m not saying we should blindfold our eyes to not see better things out there so that it’s easier for us to enjoy and appreciate what we are surrounded by. We should still be thankful for everything that God provided us or not provided us. However, the evidence is clear that the introduction to the better things only makes it harder to grasp appreciation and satisfaction. In this age of the internet and social media, it’s impossible to keep our eyes away from what is out there and if you’re not mature enough to refrain from constantly comparing, you’ll be driving yourself straight into depression.
Whenever I feel the need to give the best things for my daughters, I stop and think whether I’m instead robbing them of their future joy. Ultimately, I want my daughters to grow up to learn how to find joy in 4s and 5s even when they know there are 10s, or even 100s. It might be fun finding out that there is a 6, and going to get that 6. But if you keep chasing after that “a little better”, you will quickly realize that it’s more exhausting than fun. Life is much more meaningful than constantly seeking ways to one-up your standard. The secret is hidden in gratitude.