Not an Hacker
2024. 3. 16.
When university studentI've been hacked since I was an elementary school student. It was almost 20 years ago. Hacking, making, and getting information weren't hard for me. But I know there's no happiness in such a life. To provide valuable stuff to customs has more profit and is wealthier for being a better man.
I wonder why I was interested in hacking, but actually I don't have any interest in hacking but have an interest in the power of surveillance for unrevealed truths and protected realities. Maybe I want to be a part of power because I am weak and small, so at that moment, my prime goal was to be a stronger man. However, I knew that I couldn't be strong like other guys. I was not tall; my background and family have no power; even I have no attractive appearance. Then hack something to get out of this sh*t reality.
Maybe that's why I'd watched the 'Matrix' series more than 50 times when I was a middle school student. Matrix has a lot of metaphors and interpretations, and I felt that movie said to me, "Break your Matrix.". So I'd believed that being a hacker was the only way to break my fucking shit environment and go to a better world. But there were no utopias for the fugitive.
When I was 15 years old, my dad got cancer. Until I was 15 years old, my father never told me, "I'm sorry.". But after surgery, under anesthesia, he told me, "I'm sorry.". I understand why. He has a huge obligation to support his family. Under the obligation of being a father and first son, he had devoted his life to family. Grandfather, grandmother, and his brothers and sisters.My wife and my sisters. He needed to earn money to support almost 8 people in the house. So my father never told me "sorry" and never showed me his weakness. There were so many sad moments in my life before his surgery. I understood his life, and I fully forgive his cold-hearted manner toward our family.
After all, I'd focused on studying in high school, and I've been searching for God to fill my empty heart.
I knew that. empty heart and meaningless life makes us truly painful without a single scar. Keep drilling someone's heart and that person asked "Is it wealthy to live?". At the room, there's only sorrow and loneliness floating around. Insomnia and depression creep in. Cry out for hope but there is nothing there. That is emptiness.
I'm not a hacker. Anymore. For a long time, I've believed hacking something can make me feel fulfilled, but it's impossible. I know who's empty when I see them. They still want to finda way to fill their empty heart. They are desperate. They are very weak. But it's hard to notice because they hide their emptiness. But I knew. But I saw. Because I was. I was empty. I was alone.
If someone reads this story and is empty, I hope you get heart of a truly meaningful one. There's meaningless stuff decimating people. It's a journey to fill the heart with the precious one. Carefully put them in your heart. That makes your life. That builds your life. That defines your life. And leads your life to the precious place or not.
