I Wish I Hadn’t Spoken

Words That Sank into the Deep

I should have folded myself into silence
and simply let time pass.

Words reached out,
caught one another by the ankle,
became tangled
and lost the way back.

Before the words were damaged,
it was the heart that bruised first.
Heavier than emotion
was the exhaustion of having to explain.

Like a ship wrecked without direction,
time began to sink
into a depth where no light reaches,
sliding endlessly downward.

I should have pretended I was fine.
I should have acted as though nothing was wrong,
played my part
and lived the day through.

Even if I had stumbled over a stone,
even if my knees had split open
and blood had seeped through,
I should have stayed there quietly,
just as I was,
without making a sound.

I shouldn’t have cried out.
I shouldn’t have wept.
I should have let the tears fall silently,
wiped them away with my sleeve,
and said nothing.

I shouldn’t have spoken.
I really shouldn’t have.
Words did not make me lighter.
Silence did.
Silence made me less broken,
less hurt,
less tormented.

Sometimes,
silence is kinder.
I learned that too late.
Only now
do I finally understand.

*these are my own paintings*