내 소설 연대기
중2때 처음 시나리오 작가 꿈 꾼거에서
중3때 각종 진로 고려하며 작가로 수렴한거
그리고 지금까지
글 안쓴거
그리고 글 쓰면서도
계속되는 고민
글쓰기에 대한 고찰
내가 맞는 것인가
do i enjoy this
이런 브런치에 메모식으로만 해놓고 안 건드리는 것도 이제 그만해야긋다
finish this! 끝장을 보자!
발전하자
nothing wrong with horniness being the driving force for creation
but the problem is, the fact that horniness seems to be the only thing left, only thing that matters
while i am gooning i read my stories specifically, only the parts that i mention or describe bra and undressing
and when i goon i lose all connection and interest. gooning seems to be the only connection or value - and i dont want that to happen
there ARE sentences, locations, ideas, twists and stories that i put effort in, that i thought about. but why do they seem so small / get washed over by everything i mentioned above? the horni related stuff?
maybe i'll find a way out of it
2017 era (early..)
2018-2021 era
2023 early era (pre-h0rn)
2023-2024 era (writing short stories)
should i have started earlier? maybe, but the second best time to start is.. well, i did start and i ublished my work
just cant stop thinking about if it is the right path and i should continue,
is my obsession and standard i set up long time ago, forcing myself to write?
what are other alternatives?
there was a time i quit writing and had my dream job as movie critic
man.. its been SOO long since i had a clear dream job.
when was the last time? high school? before?
when i think about it middle school was kinda icky (about scientist)
only like sci fi movies, documentaries, etc and never real science like my mother said
so i changed it
maybe same thing will happen to writer..
but it didnt?
i wrote?
i been writing short stories for almost 3 years?
i am a published writer?
but i am keep doubting my path and passion, the intent behind it..
(oh doubting! that was the word i was looking for.. it just is the right word)
*this type of thought vomit(?), just analyzing and *honestly* expressing and verbalizing my thoughts and worries is a very helpful exercise. if done properly, (not just memos or writing down words, but actually writing a diary or essay like this, no pressure just writing as your thoughts take you) it is a very calming and mentally helpful experience i used to do this in 2022 i think?
yeah its been a while since i did one of these. maybe typing things like this is better than using pens and paper