2024. 11. 3 Sun
A month passed during which I developed a particular appetite for the croissant at Pret. As I have to get there more or less at 10am before it sells out, it has become a routine on Mondays and Tuesdays to start working in the library from 11am. The reading room is very high and leathered in olive, the certain exclusivity of which D finds sacred and N rather unsettling. I find it rather cool, in the literal sense, which is why I always bring a pullover. I try to write regularly, much more than I read I feel, which I wasn’t so sure about at first. M did, however, approve of this ‘unique’ way, which seems to me to be the only way. It all comes down to articulation. If I can’t write it, it is not mine to use. In this sense, I feel my writing has finally started to open up. M says it is most difficult to nuance things, to suggest things, to direct the anticipation in a subtle way that it all remains contingent, contiguous. The “plural touching of the singular origin.”
The school is open to the public this week, which means it is closed to us and I can take a little break from writing. I distract myself with this, so that I don’t think about thought but life. I’ve been enjoying talking to Nell and it gives me a sense of relief that she’s going to be here as long as I am. In each our own paving of the way, we are becoming companions. As he is usually at the AA and I have a tutorial with M every Friday, Leo and I try to get a beer afterwards. His mathematical way of thinking, which I think is more German than Italian, gives me a fresh view of things. His very conscious decision to join M caused me to reevaluate the why of it all, especially in the context of the AA. And with M, it’s the most profound feeling of navigating the unknown, the purest excitement. The one-to-one teaching, where we both witness weekly the transformation of what we are building between us, the invisible tower, is very powerful. It reconfigures education as coaching, the intimacy of which I have come to cherish.
Since the first instalment of the scholarship fund arrived a few weeks ago, I haven’t really thought about finances. The first year without a job will be tougher and I would have to come up with a strict budget plan. I should stay aware of the expenses.
