Everything Everywhere

About all the possibilities that i had

I've been proud of myself about not having any regrets for my whole life. It's not just because that i've lived for the perfect life. It's just that i knew that regrets don't help anything since i was at very young age. It also means that i just lived for my future. This kind of habit came from various circumstances the i faced in the past of mine.

It cannot be simply defined as good or bad one. For the most of my days, it had been a good part of me. But for now, i mean for these days, i've been through so many blue days. At this point, i definitely can tell that the habit is a bad one since i used to feel useless when i don't put any effort to develop myself to be the better one. The word "better" contains all the aspects of life. Career, physical, mental, and etc.

It's clear that the efforts someone do for his or her career can be seem easily. Literally visible. So, many of them who has just same character as me can mistake that the career for current status shows and explains all of their poentials they had. Why the past tense? Because, 'effort' and 'potential' exactly have the same meaning. They are the steps that i make for my future and have to be the past for future to arise. Which means, that i can be the one who just stops growing when my career(the result of all the efforts and potentials i made) feels to be numb. That's how i live like these days.

Then, i watched a movie, 'Everything Everywhere all at once'. It made me cry so hard. The reason why i became so emotional is that i thankfully realized how i love myself again. --- in the mood of 'incomplete but wanted to upload'---