[내 맘대로 책 리뷰] Educated
by Tara Westover
내가 즐겨 듣는 팟캐스트 After hours (현재는 시즌 2 끝나고 여름 동안 휴식기)는 하버드 비즈니스 스쿨 교수 세명 (Youngme Moon, Mihir Desai, and Felix Oberholzer-Gee)이 진행하는 프로그램인데 매주 가장 핫한 비즈니스 토픽을 가지고 의견을 나눈다. 한 번에 두세 개 토픽을 다루고 한 에피소드 당 30-40분 내외라 깊이 있는 논의는 못하지만 지금 전 세계가 어떤 비즈니스 토픽에 주목을 하는지 알 수 있어서 나에게는 cheat sheet 같은 존재. 특히 회사에 다닐 때에는 업무 관련 뉴스도 너무 많아 캐치업하는데 쩔쩔매는 게 다반사여서 다른 인더스트리에서는 어떤 일이 왜/어떻게 일어나는지, 그 이면에는 어떤 사람들이 영향을 미치는지, 가끔은 비하인드 스토리가 무엇인지 알 수 있어서 매주 업데이트를 손꼽아 기다렸었다. 매번 에피소드 마지막에 This week’s picks라고 책이나 영화, 넷플릭스 쇼, 핸드폰 앱 등등 다양한 추천을 해주는 코너가 있는데 intelligent minds들은 어떤 책을 보는지 그리고 그들이 어떤 컨텐츠에 흥미를 느끼는지 알 수 있어 또한 재미있었다. 나도 추천받은 넷플릭스 쇼를 보기도 하고 책을 읽어보기도 했는데 지난주에는 킨들에 샘플만 다운받아 놓고 몇 달 동안 생각도 하지 않았던 Educated by Tara Westover를 읽기 시작했다. 근래 읽은 책 중 제일 파워풀하고 인상적인 책이라 잊어버리기 전에 감상을 써보고 싶었다.
P.S. 이 책 번역본이 아직 안나왔는지 내가 한글 제목을 못찾은건지 궁금
Photo credit: Penguin Random HouseThis book starts by describing one of those uneventful days for a six-year-old girl. But what is “uneventful” to you? We may not realize the definition of being uneventful to some group of people may greatly differ from ours. That is because Tara Westover was the youngest of seven children in the Mormon Survivalist family. Mormon is known as 예수 그리스도 후기 성도 in Korea, and the Google definition of Survivalist is as below.
1. a person who practices outdoor survival skills as a sport or hobby.
"a survivalist's handbook"
2. a person who tries to ensure their own survival or that of their social or national group.
"a paranoid survivalist bracing for Armageddon"
Tara’s parents are closer to the second definition of Survivalist, and her father, particularly, believed all government bodies are established to brainwash people so that they can take advantage of those who are under the influence of public service for their own sake. Tara’s parents also firmly believed in End of days (종말론) which had become the main drive to be self-sufficient to prepare for the day that the world comes to an end. Being self-sufficient to Tara’s family not only meant storing jars of peaches in the basement but also was purchasing arms to protect themselves in the event federal agents surround their house to shoot them down - however strange that may sound. In this environment, someone may say it’s not surprising Tara’s parents deliberately didn’t send their kids to school, pay a visit to doctors, or vaccinate their kids.
Tara was smarter than any of her 6 siblings but took the longest time to trust herself and question her dad who dictated anything and everything that goes into her head, let alone what happens and how it does in the household. Looking back, the Mormonism to Tara’s dad might have been a mere vehicle that he took advantage of to weigh some justification into his crazy belief in Survivalism, which turned out to be the most destructive byproduct of his schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
Though sometimes disturbing to the level of disgust, I couldn’t let go of this book out of my hands because I was looking forward to what Tara will transform into. The part that I misunderstood was how Tara’s transformation took place. Maybe it’s normal for a person like me who grew up with public education, hospital visits and vaccination to expect Tara to have a lightbulb moment to realize how insane her abusive environment was. Belief sometimes saves someone’s life, but it also becomes a double-edged sword to brainwash someone so that a simple binary question - in this case “Is your father crazy or not” doesn’t even become a valid one. The brainwash that Tara’s father resisted to was exactly what he was doing to himself and his family.
Eventually Tara set foot in the university, went to graduate school and finally received a doctorate degree from Cambridge. Oh, don’t forget she also won a visiting fellowship to Harvard before that. What is fascinating is not the fancy school names that Tara went through but the process that she came to realize how small and distorted her world had been. Little did she know it was only a matter of time that her world would go upside down when she first stepped onto Brigham Young University.
Even after spending a year at the university, she still wasn’t sure if it was a right path for her. She was also afraid that majority of her family members, especially her father was still not supportive of her decision to pursue the degree but wanted her to come back to his junkyard to work with him as she used to. Back then, maintaining the loving relationship with her family was so critical, and she was afraid of being pushed out of the circle. She even attempted to close her eyes and ears on her brother’s abuse to be re-accepted by her family like how her sister Audrey did.
Eventually Tara became estranged from her family. Despite all that fears and uncertainties surrounding her, the challenging financial situations, and her hope to keep the relationship with her family, she did not give up on herself. Her desire to catch up with what she had been missing out throughout her life before college, and her eagerness to see how far she can go pushed her through. Tara slowly but surely proved that her own voice is stronger than anybody else’s no matter how powerful that may sound.
When you can’t help but doubting your decision or when you are so sure that you don’t belong somewhere, it’s easier said than done to believe in the smallest inner voice possible and follow your dream. This book came stunningly powerful to me because it is beyond inspiring to experience Tara’s journey along the way as she starts to open her eyes to the world and finally sees her childhood from a larger context. Because of her being who she is, she had received unconditional support from her professors and friends who believed in her. They were the ones who saw her through when she almost gave up and didn’t hold back to help her. By writing this book, maybe she is doing the same to the unknowns who are missing out their opportunities to grow and shine.
