To my children
My aunt, my mother’s only sister, was a very pretty woman. I mistook her black and white picture as a movie stars’. She returned to home a few days after her wedding. I have no memory of her wedding day. I only remember my grandfather grabbing her hairs and hitting her. He was screaming, “You, go out and be dead.” I still don’t know why she came back so quickly after her wedding.
Grandfather sent her to his sister. We called her “Great Auntie.” She lost her husband during the Korean War. She owned a Japanese restaurant. It was not a regular restaurant. They hired women to entertain the male customers and served alcoholic drinks. It was a room salon.
My aunt told grandfather she was enrolled in ‘ELI,’ English school, and collected tuition money from him. But I doubt she studied much. Her English was so poor. She was living a free life out of her father’s sight.
My uncle could not foresee any bright future in South Korea since he served in North Korean Army. He was under the watch of the local police detective. He had to report to him periodically. He decided to leave Korea and go to the United States. I remember waving hands to him at the airport. Until them, my father took me to all family outings.
Ever since I got the polio at the age of two and a half, I took so much herb medicines, acupuncture needles, and Moxa fire balls. I had scars from the acupuncture needles between my toes, and burn scars on my low back and legs from Moxa fires. One day in my 40’s, I was drying after the shower and found those scars were gone. I found that the time would eventually heal all scars, even the bad ones.
I was about 7 years old. I was getting physical therapy at Medical Center in Eul Ji Ro. There were doctors and nurses from Sweden working there. They said I might be able to walk with the metal brace. I was building my arm strength by lifting my upper body pushing wood pieces in sitting position. For my leg muscles, they tied my foot on tricycle wheel and moved them by pushing the tricycle. At home, my parents helped me doing these exercises.
I think it was around the same period. I am not sure whether it was at Medical Center or another hospital. My grandfather took me to the hospital. We had to pick up the prescription. Probably I was already too heavy to be carried around. He told me that he would be back soon. He left me on the bench and went to the pharmacy. Once he turned the corner of the building, I could not see him anymore.
I thought I had waited for long time, and there was no sign of him coming back. I started to cry. A nurse in white uniform came over and asked me why I was crying. I told that my grandfather went to pick up the medicine and did not come back. She picked me up in her arms and carried me to the pharmacy. We found him there. I believe the same thing happened one more time after that.
I had a fear that the family could desert me. I tried hard to please the adults. I knew how to make them like me and be happy. For example, once my father said he would like to have a ceremony to pay respect to his parents on Chinese Thanksgiving. I gave my mother some money from my savings to buy food for the ceremony. They liked it.
Finally, my huge metal brace was ready. Everyone had the high expectations. I was able to stand up supported by the brace, but I could not take a single step forward. My legs were too weak to move the heavy metal brace, and my arms were not strong enough to pull me forward. A nurse pushed my metal brace from the behind and I moved forward along approx. 10-meter walkway. That was the only walk I ever remember.
The medical staff there recommended a surgery. My father took me and left there immediately and never went back. We did not take the brace, either. I still wonder whether my father was too quick about the whole situation. I was still young and too weak for the brace. If I continued with my exercise and practiced, maybe I would have walked. Well, it would be rather pushing and pulling than walking. I doubt my life would have changed much even if I walked with the brace. I might have experienced more frustration and despairs.