teamwork

or individual success?

Today’s Topic

Which do you see more importantly: teamwork or individual success?

1. 내가 쓴 글

I see more importantly teamwork than individual success because teamwork makes members happy. When I was a member of the team for the Athletic Competitions in the company I was a newcomer so that I was not familiar with others. At that Athletic competition, I became very familiar with members. It was great to win finally in that Athletic Competitions. We didn't expect the victory at all, because the team of the next part had the superman in volleyball. We did our best with great teamwork to win that next part. It was great to win that team. All members of our team were very happy with the victory and I was no more stranger in the company. With those sports, I became to be a very required person. How wonderful it was when we got a victory in that Athletic competition. We won even though another team had the supper sportsman who would lead that team to the winner. We only had the teamwork. Finally, teamwork got the victory, so I think, teamwork is more important than individual success.

2. 첨삭되어 온 글

I see (teamwork) more importantly teamwork (x) than individual success because teamwork makes members happy. When I was a member of the team for the Athletic Competitions in the company(,) I was a newcomer so that I was not familiar with others. At that Athletic competition, I became very familiar with members. It was great to win finally in that Athletic Competitions. We didn't expect the victory at all, (x) because the team of the next part had the superman in volleyball. We did our best with great teamwork to win that next part. It was great to win that team. All members of our team were very happy with the victory(,) and I was no more stranger in the company. With those sports, I became to be a very required person. How wonderful it was when we got a victory in that Athletic competition. We won even though another team had the supper sportsman who would lead that team to the winner. We only had the teamwork. Finally, teamwork got the victory, so I think, teamwork is more important(OR: significant) than individual success.

3. 내가 기억해야 될 것들

1) I see (teamwork) more importantly teamwork (x) than individual success because teamwork makes members happy.

그렇지. 동사 뒤에 바로 목적어가 와야지.

2) When I was a member of the team for the Athletic Competitions in the company(,) I was a newcomer so that I was not familiar with others.

오호, 이런 곳엔 반드시 콤마를.

3) We didn't expect the victory at all, (x) because the team of the next part had the superman in volleyball.

그러나 because 앞에는 콤마를 쓰지 않는구나.

4) All members of our team were very happy with the victory(,) and I was no more stranger in the company.

그러나 and 앞에는 반드시 콤마를 써줄 것. 하이고 헷갈려라~

5) Finally, teamwork got the victory, so I think, teamwork is more important(OR: significant) than individual success.

행여 significant 가 더 적절하다 할지라도 비슷하다면 난 important를 고집하련다. 와이? 오늘의 토픽에서 주어진 단어니까. 푸하하하

4. 그리고 함께 딸려온 특별 멘트

Thank you for completing this step Hye Yeong. Based on your level, you amazingly lived up to our expectations. In fact, you were even better. Congratulations! You clearly showed your extensive knowledge of English grammar and vocabulary. Moreover, you already sound like a native English speaker. We’ll be here to help you improve your English writing skills every step of the way. Keep writing. :)

하하 칭찬은 언제나 좋아라. 넵! 계속 쓰겠습니다.

5. 첨삭받은 대로 다시 쓴 글

I see teamwork more importantly than individual success because teamwork makes members happy. When I was a member of the team for the Athletic Competitions in the company, I was a newcomer so that I was not familiar with others. At that Athletic competition, I became very familiar with members. It was great to win finally in that Athletic Competitions. We didn't expect the victory at all because the team of the next part had the superman in volleyball. We did our best with great teamwork to win that next part. It was great to win that team. All members of our team were very happy with the victory, and I was no more stranger in the company. With those sports, I became to be a very required person. How wonderful it was when we got a victory in that Athletic competition. We won even though another team had the supper sportsman who would lead that team to the winner. We only had the teamwork. Finally, teamwork got the victory, so I think, teamwork is more important than individual success.

(사진:꽃뜰)