The Gifts of Imperfection

Book review and note

Last week, I received a notice from the Libby app that it was my turn to borrow a book called “The Gifts of Imperfection” by the renowned author Brene Brown. Having previously enjoyed her book “Dare to Lead”, I was excited to read the book. Brene is not only a gifted and genuine storyteller, but also an amazing researcher with unparalleled insights into human behavior. It was a joy to follow her perspectives on why and how we can enjoy our imperfect lives.

Lesson 1: Perfectionism is the best friend of shame.

Perfectionism can be seen as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it is often associated with great artists who produce high-quality work consistently. These people are frequently referred to as “perfectionists” as they continuously challenge themselves and those around them to strive for excellence and go above and beyond. For me, perfectionism means setting a very high bar and working hard until the end to achieve it.

However, in her work, Brene Brown sheds light on the darker side of perfectionism. She draws attention to its link with shame. According to her, perfectionism is often driven by the belief that if you look perfect, you’ll be able to shield yourself from criticism, judgement, or blame. In reality, this type of perfectionism is rooted from fear and self-protection. It may hinder productivity and ultimately fail to offer any real form of defense.

Lesson 2: The opposite of play is not work but depression.                  

Since last year, my wife has suggested me to take time out of my day to do absolutely nothing. No work, no thinking, no listening, no watching, and no reading. For at least 30 minutes a day. I probably looked consistently occupied by something, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Towards the end of last year, I had been feeling down. I was depressed. I think I’ve finally found the root cause: I wasn’t playing well.

Play is for the sake of play. It's a purposeless activity. Looking back, I realized that what I thought was play was actually quite purposeful or not suited to my individuality, personality, condition, or state. Scrolling through social media or watching YouTube never felt truly a joy or a break. My brain was always engaged in some way. So, I decided to add a new daily routine: taking a walk around my neighborhood, sometimes with my favorite slow or calm music playing. It may seem simple, but it’s been quite effective.