My grandmother!
Never Give Up on Your Dreams.
My grandmother and grandfather were conscripted during the Japanese occupation and lived in Osaka, Japan, where my mother and aunt were born.
When my mother was ten years old, my grandfather, who had assisted the independence movement during the war, was discovered by the Japanese police and had to flee to Korea alone. Later, my grandmother also fled to Korea with her two daughters.
Fortunately, the war ended soon after, and Korea gained independence, allowing them to settle down in Korea.
My grandmother had only two daughters and no son. However, my grandfather desperately wanted a son, so he left the family, met another woman, and had a son with her.
It’s heartbreaking to know that despite loving and living well in the dangerous conditions of Japan, the lack of a son in the safe homeland led to the dissolution of the family.
Can a family break up so easily?
Thus, my grandmother found herself abandoned due to the lack of a son. She always treated my grandfather well during his occasional visits, and as a child, I didn’t understand why they lived separately.
How did women without sons in Korea back then
endure such sorrow and pain?
My grandmother would often say, “Hye-kyung, a woman doesn’t necessarily have to marry. If you have something you want to do, do it first. Don’t rely on a man to live. Keep studying hard; this grandmother will help you.” Because of this, I also grew up with a negative view of men and marriage.
Growing up in Japan, she liked and often made Japanese food, spoke Japanese, and enjoyed Japanese music. However, learning about the painful history of the Japanese occupation during my middle school years, I often pouted and told her not to speak Japanese or sing Japanese songs. In such moments, she would say,
“Hye-kyung, you dislike Japan, and so do I, but I have memories of living in Japan.
It was hard and dangerous, but there were happy times. I have memories of dating your grandfather and of giving birth to and raising your mother. Sometimes, I miss those times.
The songs and language I learned as a child come out automatically, what can I do about it? The food I enjoyed as a child, what can I do about it? Don’t hate too much. After all, Japan is your mother’s birthplace!”
While I couldn’t fully agree with her back then, her words were true. For her, Japan was a cherished homeland where she lived happily with her beloved husband and two daughters.
Even though my grandmother was sad that her granddaughter, who she hoped would fulfill her dreams without getting married, married and went off to the mission field, she always encouraged me to pursue my dreams to the fullest despite being married.
To my husband, who sought her permission to marry me, she said, "She is not just any woman, so don’t underestimate or expect that from her."
My husband joked, “I should have understood what Grandma meant when she said that… Now that we’re married, I understand. A woman should be just as she is.”
My grandmother’s heart was filled with the pain of struggling as a woman.
She always stayed by my mother’s side, who was frail and needed help, and filled every need around us. Quietly, she read the Japanese Bible, enjoyed singing, and studied English to communicate with her great-grandchildren abroad, living her own life to the fullest. More gratefully, at the age of 76, she took a 14-hour flight to Pakistan for the first time to help her granddaughter raise her two children during the most challenging time.
“Hye-kyung, you’ve worked hard!
I came to keep the promise I made to you.
I said I’d help you if you didn’t give up on your dreams because you’re a woman, and I’ve come to keep that promise.
Thanks to you, granddaughter, I flew for the first time in my life.
Thank you! Don’t worry, I’ll help you until you finish your work.”
With these warm and strong words, she seemed to know exactly how overwhelmed and swollen my heart was.
My grandmother, who had to endure the pain of being abandoned and disregarded due to not having a son.
My mother, who had to spend her life bedridden due to tuberculosis.
And I, the granddaughter, who entered a foreign country with dreams of missionary work and faced all sorts of challenges.
Three women with different last names, from different generations, faced different circumstances but all lived fiercely.
