I’m fear of disappearing, too
letter From the Hong Kong Proestestor
Whenever I decided to participate in the movement, I always hesitated. I never wanted my parents to worry about me, and they’d try to stop me from going out. I don’t blame them, because they’ve seen in the past what the Chinese Communist Party did to their citizens or any person who’s considered as a threat to their regime. My friend told me that one of her professors witnessed the Tiananmen Square Massacre, and she’s crying while she’s hugging her student’s dead body there. Look at the Uighurs (Xinjiang), there’re tons of documentaries out there showing us their concentration camp (“re-education”). They’re tortured because of their religion. And, to be honest, I’m terrified. I’m scared that I’ll become one of the suspicious dead bodies floating off a pier. The police have been very brutal towards the protestors, both verbally and physically. They’ve weapons, they’re backed by the CCP, and I’m just a girl going out with bare hands.
A Protestor who wears tear gas Mast standing in Protestors, Infront Central Gevement Office HongKong
I’m not a frontline protestor; I’m usually the one at the back. I can be categorised as a “peaceful” protestor. I just walk around and check what I can help with. I remember there’s one time, I went out alone to meet my friends at the place of the protest. It’s in the afternoon, everyone was gathering around peacefully. My phone signal was very weak at that moment, I couldn’t send out any text to my friends. So, I decided to walk around in the crowd to check if they had arrived. While I was in the middle of the crowd, all I heard was “PANG! PANG!” from behind. Then a sea of people started running towards my direction, and I heard people screaming, “they fired a few rounds of tear gas!” They also yelled at the residential buildings nearby, “tear gas has been fired! Shut the window now!” My eyes were tearing up (due to the tear gas) and I ended up hiding in a corner with another two protestors as I couldn’t reach my friends. I’ve had some experiences with tear gas before during different protests, but that’s my first time being alone. I wasn’t fully prepared, and I felt extremely frightened. I can’t imagine how much bravery it takes for one to stand in the frontline for all the other protestors. That was during the summer 2019 – the sun was shining, the flowers were wild opened, the leaves on the trees were bright green… and my eyes, my nose, my skin were burning from tear gas exposure.
I often told my friends “we must have done something really bad in our past lives that we ended up being born in Hong Kong.” Why do our basic human rights aren’t given at birth? Why are we risking our lives to protect our freedom? Why some of us were tortured (those who got arrested by the police) for wanting democracy? Throughout the movement, we always remind each other that the dawn of a new era will soon come to Hong Kong, and this darkness will be gone forever. But we started noticing that we’re losing a lot of our people along the way, some of them disappeared, and some of them died. They could never get a chance to see the sunrise up again. Please… Is the dawn coming soon…?
It’s been almost six months since we started the protest. The police no longer grant permission for large-scale marches so going out to protest could end up getting yourself arrested for unlawful assembly. They took away our rights to protest, and not just that, they created a huge white terror. One of the key symbols of this movement is our dress code: all black, with a face mask. It was created because we’re scared of revealing our true identity to the CCP that could put us in more harm potentially. You could even see Hongkongers around the world doing the same to be safe. This quickly became a way to express our political stance in public, people started dressing in all black or wearing a black face mask even when they went to work. So shortly after, the police began targeting the young people who dressed in black on the street. They asked to check their bag and note down their Hong Kong ID number. They also issued the anti-mask law recently, so if you try to hide your face with a mask in public, you could be prosecuted. What’s more? A handful of undercover cops were caught on camera, dressed in black with a face mask, looked perfectly like us. They tried to act like our frontline protestors, and when the police approached, they turned around and dragged a few of the real frontline protesters on the ground so they’d get them arrested with the help of the police. There’s a video of a protestor crying and screaming to the undercover that, “please, I’m your people!” He thought the undercover police was a real protestor just like him, but, he got beaten up even harder.
It’s very clear, the government want you to stop dressing in black or stop wearing a mask. They want you to feel fear and they want you to stop expressing your own opinion (starting from your choice of the outfit) that is unfavourable to the HK government, or more importantly, to the CCP. They want to plant a seed of doubt in your head like they’re watching you all the time. When you went to protest, you started feeling paranoid because you never knew who’s a real supporter and who’s undercover. You felt like you’re going insane and you’d learn to start being very careful in everything that you wanted to do. Every word you speak in public could be heard by them, every CCTV on the street could be watching you… They keep striping and striping until you’re willing to shut up and obey. By that time, they’ll start targeting those who aren’t kneeling to the CCP and say that those people are rebels and are planning to corrupt the social order. Then after, they’ll target on those who aren’t nodding their head properly, and say these people aren’t truly loyal. Then after… Then after… What’s worth living when you lose everything?
That’s why I still go out consistently to show my support to the movement as much as I could. We Hongkongers are trying very hard to protect our freedom and want our 5 demands to be met in the near future. There’re young protestors waiting to go to court in a few months, they could be charged up to 10 years in jail. There’re protestors passed away during the movement, and their parents would be at home waiting for their kids to come back from the protest, not knowing that their kids could never make it home… They’ve sacrificed in order for this demonstration to continue and to succeed. This movement is not just about Hong Kong. The CCP is extending their power through businesses and money around the world, and soon, the world shall realise that what’s happening in Hong Kong now is a visualisation of what may happen around the world in the future.
I beg you, please keep an eye on Hong Kong, we’re still fighting for our freedom. And if I disappear one day, remember you’ve seen me here, and promise me that you’ll protect the freedom in your country.
Text : Duffy
photos : Leeheehoon
번역기사 : http://omn.kr/1lrta
