The Frozen Ground flaws

雨水 [13] / [35]

―Hey, watch what you're saying!

―Do you know how miserable it feels to be forgotten and pushed away because of money?

She yelled and wailed roughly, almost with a scream. We looked at one another, and for the first time, we didn't recognize each other. We seemed very unfamiliar to each other in that moment. I was embarrassed by her unexpected wailing. I approached her and put my hand on her shoulder. She furiously shook off my hand. After awhile, she spoke in a quivering voice.

―I won’t be second behind money. I’m sick of this life. We’re over.

And she left with the trunk. I was too shocked to follow her outside.

I didn’t think she really left me. She was pregnant with our baby, she won’t leave me for good. That was how I thought about her leaving.

I just waited and waited for her. I wandered around, walking the streets alone in autumn. Waiting, believing in her return. When my longing for her deepened, I wrote what was in my heart.

Could I even be considered a romantic since I just assumed what was common to all temporary quarrels couples face? But I was deluding myself. She didn't come back the next day or the day after that. And it was too late when I decided to go out to look for her.

When I called her, it was her robotic answering machine that responded. The number had been changed. I had no way to contact her except her phone number. I felt hopeless.

I went to the university, tried to find someone close to her. But there was no one who had any recent news of her. For lack of anything better, I visited the department office, to get her address. I didn’t have confidence in finding her house in Canada again. I got her address from the office, but I hesitated to go at once. What should I say to her? Come back to the beggarly life with me? I will make you happy? I won’t put you behind money in importance again? I won’t forget to contact you?

A few weeks later, I booked the flight. Even though I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, I wanted to meet her again. Anyway, I had a responsibility to reconcile with her for our baby. That thought gave me bravery. On the flight, I read what I wrote on the bench while thinking of her over and over again, painfully aware of how much I missed her.”

He turned his head to Cynthia and found that she'd fallen asleep, her head leaning on the back of the sofa. Her glass was half empty. He looked at his watch. It was already past 1 a.m.