Light, prolonged
春分 [11] / [33]
"What did she explain?"
Cynthia asked.
"She said, she wanted a reminder of the times we make love, because she knew that I would leave her someday for a girl who is much younger and prettier than she is. She said she's very insecure, anxious because someday somebody would take me away from her, or I would leave her. I couldn’t help cursing right in front her in a loud voice, and I think that was a big mistake. I was too sloppy. I thought she really loved me, so she meant everything she said, and I shouldn’t show her my true emotions. The very night I found the camcorder, I felt the dynamic between us shift.”
Lucas felt in control now, because he was sure how much she loved him. Before this confidence, he did everything she ordered him to. Until then, he was sorry for what he thought he had done to her on the first night. But now he didn't feel the need to follow her orders. He was the one who had power over her. She loved him. So she was under his thumb now, or so he thought.
It was strange to say, but Lucas's initial guilt seemed to come from a place of knowing the vulnerability of his position, and not genuine remorse. He couldn’t hide his arrogant expressions and harsh language from her. She didn’t complain. she kept studying his face to see if he was angry, and he recognized this too. His little heart was full of narcissism. He made her surrender to him!
Before that, he couldn’t even conceive of the idea of demanding of her what to do in bed. He hadn’t wanted to irritate her, that was why. But, since the hierarchical relationship reversed, there was no reason to not demand her to do anything to please himself. When he was imagining all possible things to be done by her, she approached him with two glasses, which smelled like cherry and lemon. She handed a glass to him.
“You can leave me,”
she said. He was surprised by her saying this. He’d never expected her to let him go.
“I know that you’re sick of me, and I also know that you’re afraid of my boyfriend. He is abroad for a business trip. As long as I don’t mention anything about you and me, there’s no way he could know, so don’t worry, honey.”
