The Longest night

冬至 [3] / [16]

His shock was just the result of her invariably consistent attitude and the culmination of their relationship which didn't diverge from his anticipation. But the displeasure derived from it was another problem.

He forgot entirely his cheerful condition brought on by the flattering demeanor of the woman he met at the jewel shop after his eyes fell on Violet. His heart sunk into total darkness. He went to the bar alone, drank and chain-smoked.

It seemed his heart and thoughts were only calmed by the incessant inhaling and exhaling of sweet nicotine, that incense of the masses.

Catching him unawares, his phone rang. It was a message from his boss. He checked the time. It was 10 p.m. already, and stared at the message notification without opening it. Now was the busiest period of the Christmas holidays. Was there any reason for his boss to message him now? What if she suggested a light dinner? He thought. He was considering how to reply, and opened the message.

Great, he thought to himself bitterly. I knew it. What on earth did you expect from her?

His boss, Cynthia McIntyre, very talented, professional, unbelievably beautiful had divorced his friend John Lester two years ago. He, John and Cynthia had been friends since university. When John noted that he was in love with her, he, weirdly speaking, yielded her to John. His own heart remained conflicted, torn about his own feelings towards Cynthia.

Perhaps once, long ago, he and Cynthia could've been together in another life if he behaved differently. At one time in the past, they used to call each other by the most intimate names. When John and Cynthia divorced, even though that once insurmountable barrier was destroyed, he was already with Violet.

So what else could he do? The past was the past.

His various thoughts weighed on him, his heart growing heavier and heavier. The thought of one thing or another pressed on him. As if he were being burned by a cigarette, his heart seemed to jolt nervously. He didn’t like this familiar feeling, of being suppressed by thoughts.

He closed his eyes for a short moment. Loud music flowing in the bar, boisterous chatting around him by people, the thick smell of alcohol, a whiff of smoke penetrating the nostrils, a sense of being betrayed, a sense of pressure.

He wanted to be free from all of these. He imagined himself being somewhere where the placid sounds of water could be heard, somewhere without any anguish, a place deep in the mountains or on the seashore.