Pure like a Pearl
John 19:17-30
19 Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: Jesus of nazareth, the king of the jews. 20 Many of the Jews read this sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Aramaic, Latin and Greek. 21 The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, “Do not write ‘The King of the Jews,’ but that this man claimed to be king of the Jews.” 22 Pilate answered, “What I have written, I have written.” 23 When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. 24 “Let’s not tear it,” they said to one another. “Let’s decide by lot who will get it.” This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled that said, “They divided my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment.” So this is what the soldiers did.25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
The Death of Jesus
28 Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
Today is the Holiest Friday, when Jesus was crucified on the cross. Jesus' mission of dying as the King of the Jews is finished, leading to the salvation of all mankind. The predictions and prophesying is also complete as the scripture (bible) has written about Him. Even the clothes that were divided by the soldiers and even the hyssop plant that was used at the last moment seemed to be used in a temple of God, in order to spread the blood on the horns of the ark of the covenant in the most holy place.
He died as the lamb of salvation, like the scapegoat with all burdens of sins on Himself, because no one is qualified for that work of forgiving others. I am confident of this faith but it's not easy to forgive others for myself, as I am still sinful and unrighteous, though I was born again by faith and the help of the Holy Spirit. This fact oftentimes makes me feel powerless, so my life could be meaningless living as a sinful man.
However, in the opposite way, I couldn't help but rely on His power and wisdom, so that I could live by loving others, including myself as well. This circumstance makes me feel more important in life. I mean, without Him, I couldn't live in a good and righteous way, because I am just a sinful woman. Every morning, I weigh my body, and all in a sudden, I thought of the weight of my sins, sins through my emotion and thought, as there is nothing good in there. At every moment, I judge myself and others continuously. I struggle with these kinds of emotions and thoughts in a daily basis.
In Buddhism, they say that there are more than 50000 thoughts, and the apostle Paul said, "There are good and bad fighting inside our heart." It is truly right. I think that there are too many things in my heart, whether they are coming from my consciousness or unconsciousness, or whether they are good or bad. If I weigh them, the bad things are much heavier than the good things. How terrible they are, and this is the reason I do condemn and criticize more than praising and saying good comments to myself and others. Of course, I intentionally do, but deep in my heart, I am so evil that I feel like a bad human, like the ones of the characters in the bible and in the society.
In a nutshell, I AM a sinful man. However, thanks to Jesus' sacrifice, I could live a righteous man, even though I fight against the sinful nature at every moment. As the Catholic Christian woman with whom I do the bible study on Thursdays said, so I'd try to make 'my pearl of my heart' living in Jesus, not letting anything bad scratch my pearl, being pure in my heart in prayer and through good actions right now.
