7. Long Sitting (2)
⑥ How did I end up going to the U.S.?
I was in full lotus, but it was hard to just sit still.
I rolled around from side to side, leaned against things, counted my beads, and even watched YouTube.
At some point I wondered, 'What’s the point of sitting this long if I’m doing all this?'
And then I started quietly blaming Sunim A… all kinds of false thoughts came up.
Ven. XianShun kept encouraging me.
“This way is fine, that way is fine—just don’t unbuckle your legs. Try to endure.”
She showed me photos of her family, cracked jokes, and did her best to pull my attention away from the pain. At lunchtime, she brought some fried tofu rice balls to me, saying the Korean laypersons had made them.
But I had no appetite. I didn’t even drink water—I was afraid I’d need to go to the bathroom.
It seemed word got around that I was doing a long sit. One by one, people came in, sat with me for a bit, then left. Some cheered me on with a “Fighting!” before going.
Maybe because I hadn’t planned to do this, none of it felt like it was really mine.
'I only came to help Sunim A sit...'
'I was just going to stop by and leave...'
'They say once you pass three hours, the pain barrier breaks and it gets easier.'
All lies. :'(
Still, after I passed the three-hour mark, it felt like a waste to unbuckle my legs after sitting so long.
After seven hours, the pain started to change in quality.
At that point, I felt like I could stop without regret—but when I looked at Ven. XianShun sitting in front of me, I had the feeling she wouldn’t let me off so easily.
'Ugh… I don’t even know anymore …'
As I was approaching nine hours, hunched over in a complete mess, barely holding myself together, Ven. XianShun suddenly said,
“Sit up straight.”
“Focus on your dantian.”
Her voice was firm and strong.
I felt completely unable to resist. The pain was so intense I couldn’t even open my eyes. I clenched my teeth, barely enduring, and somehow managed to force out a few words.
“Help me!”
Ven. XianShun replied,
“I can’t help you. Ask Great Master Hsuan Hua or Master YongHua for help.”
I was already calling on every saint and holy being I could think of in my mind. Her answer felt so heartless—but I immediately called out anyway.
'Great Master Hsuan Hua, Master YongHua—please help me!!!'
Back in 2019, WMT didn’t even have a proper Buddha statue yet.(To be continued)
(If you are going to attempt to do long sits, please consult a Sangha who’s experienced.
We don’t suggest you do this on your own.)