8. Long Sitting (3)
⑦ How did I end up going to the U.S.?
“It's too painful. Great Master Hsuan Hua, Master YongHua—please help me!!”
Maybe because my desperation had reached its peak, the response came immediately.
It felt as if a massive block of metal—heavy enough to crush a used car like paper—had climbed onto my thighs and was pressing down with unimaginable force. The pain went beyond anything words could describe. It felt like I was sinking deep beneath the ground. I couldn’t even scream.
Then suddenly, my whole body began to shake violently, like a tree trembling in a storm.
During a short ChanQi atthe International Seon Center in Seoul., I had once seen people shaking like this and secretly wondered, Is that some kind of possession?
Now I was the one shaking.
Sweat and chills rushed through my body at the same time. I couldn’t control it.
At that moment, Ven. XianShun said,
“Your qi is strong.”
I could hear her voice, but I couldn’t even open my eyes. Everything was fading.
I don’t know how long I endured. When I finally felt, I truly can’t take this anymore, I began pushing away the small table in front of me. Ven. XianShun helped move it aside. Then I collapsed onto the floor and—though I’m not sure for how long—briefly blacked out.
Strangely, even as I lay down, I didn’t release my full lotus.
After a short faint, I slowly gathered myself and sat back up. It felt as if I had slept for a very long time. My hands and feet, which had been cold even up to the ninth hour, were now warm and flushed with blood. My whole body was soaked in sweat. The extreme pain from before was gone, but a deep, sharp ache still lingered.
Ven. XianShun who had been firm and commanding at the critical moment, now returned to her gentle and kind expression.
“Are you okay, Sunim?”
'Okay? There’s no way I’m okay…(T⌓T)'
That’s what I felt inside, but with something between a laugh and tears, I think I just answered, “Wow…”
There were still three hours left before the Dharma talk. When she suggested I continue sitting until then, I agreed without resistance. After what I had just gone through, I doubted anything could hurt more than that. At that point, my mindset was simply, 'Whatever happens, happens.'
I finally released my legs just before Master’s Dharma talk.
Twelve hours in total.
I walked around the underground dining hall for quite a while. My left ankle and hip joint were very sore, but I was surprisingly okay. And throughout the entire sit, my chronically problematic lower back hadn’t caused a single issue.
I sincerely thanked Ven. XianShun.
She said,
“No problem. Next time, 24 hours?”
I froze, forcing an awkward smile, slowly backing away as I hurried toward the Buddha Hall.
After fainting, I had to document what a mess I looked like.(To be continued)
(If you are going to attempt to do long sits, please consult a Sangha who’s experienced.
We don’t suggest you do this on your own.)