Forced Devotion

Set Out on a Strange Journe

[Series 5]

Forced Devotion

There is a heart that cannot be shown to anyone.

Yet it can be shown to myself.

I do not have to show my heart to anyone.

I do not have to explain it.

It is good to have a space inside that only I know.

But do you know that there may be a part of your heart

that you do not even show to yourself?

What if there is a feeling you cannot accept?

What if there is a truth you do not want to admit?

If you cannot see it,

if you cannot face it properly,

do not rush.

Be still.

Prepare to sit quietly and look within.

If you turn away from yourself,

even if you gain the whole world,

it will never truly be yours.

Why does my heart feel pressure?

Is there a kind of force inside me,

like a magnet pulling me?

No one else can know when that force began.

Perhaps even I do not know.

Maybe I once tried to pull something out of the dark

and then gave up.

Darkness is not a special place.

It is only hidden by light.

It is simply a shadow made by light.

Look at your darkness with the light inside you.

Do not stare from within the dark.

Stand in the light and notice the shadow behind it.

When there is day, there is night.

When there is light, there is shadow.

In a painting, the harmony of light and shadow

can be beautifully striking.

There is never only light.

There is never only shadow.

Together, they create mood.

Together, they create beauty.

Our hearts are the same.

Joy and sorrow live side by side.

Even in happiness, we sense the edge of sadness.

Even in sorrow, we may feel a small light of joy.

That is because we are human.

Humour can bloom in seriousness.

Bitterness can sit quietly inside laughter.

The world is not black and white.

It may look that way to the naïve,

but we do not wish to stay naïve.

We want to grow wise,

with pure hearts and clear judgement.

If you gently come close to your own heart,

if you read it, understand it,

and accept it as it is,

there will be less shame,

less avoidance,

and less force.

We long for freedom.

Sometimes we think only escape will give it.

We may feel trapped.

But freedom is not the same as rebellion.

It is not the same as indulgence.

We can long for true freedom

and still walk a steady path

as we search for ourselves.

You may not open your heart easily to others,

but you do not need a door for yourself.

There is no need to build one.

There is no need to open or close it.

You can simply be.

You can rest as yourself.

You can hold your own aching heart.

You can sit beside it quietly,

without giving logical reasons.

You can breathe with it.

The self you have ignored for so long

may feel unfamiliar.

Still, I hope you will try to become friends.

Practise being close to yourself.

Set out on that strange journey.

Sail.

You may meet storms.

You may glide on calm water.

You may stand in full sunlight.

You may be soaked by rain.

It is all right.

The voyage is needed.

Feel it.

Taste it fully.

See what kind of catharsis waits for you.

When we travel far,

we often carry heavy bags.

They can stop us from feeling free.

But the journey to know yourself

needs no luggage.

You may go empty-handed.

You may return empty-handed.

There is no restriction.

There is no force.

As you go,

you will understand.

Set out on that strange journey.

*these are my own paintings *