Little experiments in life
Experiment Date : August 13th
I don't know where my life is going. There are neither cordnets nor maps. But I have this strong feeling that there is a reason for my depression. I know that my life is not going to be easy. But I know it's not going to be dreadful like I imagined. Because there is no answer about the future. Everytime I go through depression, I learn a lot of things by heart. Experiencing and acception is diffent. It depends on how and when you do it. If you feel nothing and have no hope about the future and don't live your present, then this pain will be a mere experience. But if you find out 'nothing comes from nothing.' and 'Haste is waste' so you understand that there is no method except keep going, and you fulfill the quote 'action speaks louder than words.' Then is the start of your new growth.
Those quotes are nothing if you don't feel it by heart. And the meaning of it is you put it into action. Which is not easy but worth trying. So we should not hasitate of feeling depressed about failing. Life is full of experiences but mostly unpleasant ones. But we can change those experiences into memories. Memories that help us overcome the hardships of the present. And don't you ever think about quiting your life. Every choices leaves regrets and we don't have the courage to die because we still have attachment. Attachment to leave a better life, Attachment of the life itself. And after a while, you find yourself trying to cope those unhappy emotions. That's how things go.
After hard parts of life pass, we think it's over. But it's uncertain. I don't like to enjoy pain and I think none of us do. Nobody likes to fall from the top and start all over again. But you see, it's just like drawing and painting. When you want to changed the color after the paint is dry, it's not easy to erase it and fix it. You have to put new colors on it. But that color might not satisfy you either when you see the piece later. But that's how the cookie crumbles. If we think it's normal and accept it, we can live with average emotions for a while. But that's not enough because it means that you're partly ignoring your emotions. Let your emotion take the course togerther with you.
Tell them, to feel, and accept it. And let our rational thinking take place. Show who's boss to your emotions. In the meantime, let them learn that they can live together with rational thinking. I've been dealing with my emotions for almost 20 years, but still I'm not good at it. Once, I wanted to be a cold blooded girl who doesn't have emotions at all because it bothers me so bad. But After I found out that I'm a highly sensitive person with full of emotions, I panicked. I can't change that because it's in my gene. I tried to eliminate my personality and change it into a new one. It gave me side effects instead. I also tried to create a manual to deal with it, but everytime I change, I had to fix it.
So, I'm gonna be who I am and never stop practicing. I'm finding methods still and doing a lot of experiments on me. And I want to see the results and make it into a report. I'm my own subject in my emotion lab. And the purpose of this experiment is to live a better life. How about you? What kinds of experiments have you tried in your life, and how many times did you change them? I want to know about your thoughts.
