Chapter 9 The Shadowy Valley
When we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we live in fear, doubt, and dread. Is my pilgrimage the right path? There were times when I trusted God and still fell into sexual temptation, and there were times when I felt betrayed by people I trusted. However, the path will not be mine alone. Now I'm going out in the sure knowledge that God is with me until I reach that city of Zion.
As Christian stepped into the valley of the shadow of death, he heard the voice of the blind.
"This way~ come this way~ I know where you're going~ this way~"
"Ugh~"
The voices of the ghosts could be heard from within the dismal valley.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
"Do you know what you're doing?"
"God doesn't even know you?"
"God doesn't even know you're here!"
"You're going to die if you keep going!"
"You're going to fall out of there!"
"Don't you want to go back, don't you want to run away?"
"You're going to die!"
Christian repeated to himself.
"No, this is not the voice of my heart."
"God, be with me! Give me strength!"
The voice of the man ahead of him was heard.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no harm, for you are with me." When Christian heard this, the terror of the valley of the shadow of death finally dissipated. He spotted a man passing in the distance. He quickened his pace and spoke to him. The man was Faithful, from the same neighbourhood as Christian.
"My dear brother Faithful, I am so glad that I have caught up with you and met you. I am grateful that God has melted our hearts so that we can travel together like this."
The Valley of the Shadow of Death (2022)
"My dear friend, I had actually intended to go with you ever since we left the city where we lived, but you beat me to the punch and I was forced to travel this long way alone," Faithful replied.
"I fell into a pit of despondency on the way and had a very hard time."
"Fortunately I did not fall into it, and was able to come safely to the narrow gate; it was only on the way that I met Wanton, who almost caused me great trouble. She seduced me into her chamber, and persisted in offering me all manner of pleasures and luxuries.
"I'm sure you didn't satisfy her desires."
"Of course, I didn't defile myself, but then I remembered a verse from a book I'd read earlier: "Her steps go out to Sol..." (Proverbs 5:5). So I closed my eyes so I wouldn't be tempted by her dazzling appearance, and she walked away, cursing all the way, and I continued on my way.
The Wanton
Faithful wasn't the only experience. I remember acting on my sexuality the first time I was born. It was when I was in college, and I was at a time in my life when I had a very high sexual desire. I went with a group of friends to a so-called Public brothels named Yellow house, where men would choose a woman of their choice, and be escorted to a bedroom where they would sleep with her. I couldn't get a wink of sleep all night with a harlot next to me. I remembered the biblical story of Joseph resisting the temptation of Potiphar's wife and getting out of her room (Genesis 39:9-12). It was 4am when the curfew was lifted and I got out of there alone.
As a Christian, I realised that by paying for sex, I was breaking God's command in the seventh commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Afterwards, I repented to God for being drawn to the brothel, and I vowed never to be led by such lust again.
The Wanton (2014)
Walking with a stork through the valley of the shadow of death
I didn't want it, and I didn't know that the Valley of Death was waiting for me on my pilgrimage. I had just finished my retirement age. I rented a room in a town in Yesan County. I dipped into my retirement fund to pay the rent. My home was in Seoul, so I only went to Seoul on weekends and then commuted back on Mondays by taking the train from Shingil Station to Cheonan. Of course, I travelled by metro from Shingil to Cheonan. From Shingil Station to Cheonan, it was worth travelling by train because it was free for seniors, but Cheonan and Yesan are national railways, so I had to pay extra for transport, but I couldn't help it. For two years, rain or snow, the journey to Seoul and Yesan was repeated. There wasn't much to do in the room I got, except to paint Hanji-watercolours all day long. If I call it going out, there was one village where I really wanted to restore the storks, and I would occasionally go to visit the elderly Kim Joong-cheol, who was the stork keeper of Gwelgok-ri in Daesul-myeon, Yesan-gun.
Just before I retired from a National University of Education, I was the director of the Stork Ecology Research Institute at the University, and I was in charge of the reintroduction research at the Yesan Stork Park in Chungcheongnam-do. Just before I retired from the University, I put up a request letter to the president for a special researcher position at the Stork Ecology Research Institute, and I rented a room at a rate that would pay the rent when the allowance came out. However, the president did not accept my special researcher position because of the difficulty in arranging the research payment. From that day on, I had to cut off all ties with the storks that I had been breeding. The Project of Stork Reintroduction was more work for me to do after I retired, but God did not allow me to do any more. There was nothing I could do for the storks except to pray to God every day. I walked and walked and walked, thinking that my pilgrimage must not stop as it was, hoping that prayer would take me through the valley of the shadow of death.
A prayer where a single vase lies (2018)
Talkative
Talkative was walking alongside the road. Faithful speaks to Talkative first: "Where are you going, my friend? Is it the road to heaven?"
"Yes, I am on my way there, and I would be happy to accompany you if you wish."
"Then let's walk together and pass the time with good talk."
"I like to talk about good and right things, and I really like to talk about religion and the Bible and God."
"It's very meaningful to talk about these things. "
"That's exactly what I was talking about. "
At this point, Christian says something to Faithful that is attributed to him. On Christian's behalf, Faithfull asked Talkative again.
"Mr Talkative, do you happen to know how God's grace has changed your life?"
"Firstly, it made me say that sin is bad".
"Doesn't grace make you despise and hate sin?"
"That's exactly what I said, I'm always crying out that sin is bad. Well, anyone can stand in a pulpit and cry out that sin is bad, and happily take it home and live with it,,,. I also have a vast knowledge of religion and the Bible."
Faithful had some stinging advice for Talkative with pretentious religious views.
"A person can know everything in the Bible and not believe it, just as a servant can know his master's will and not obey it. You can have all the knowledge in the world and not have wisdom. Wisdom is a gift from God."
"Hmph, you two, you're so determined to grab the pod... You and I have different ideas, so I'll just go my own way."
Talkative, speechless and angry, walked away. Christian and Faithful came to think of Talkative as someone who loudly condemns sin, but inwardly accepts it without reservation. When a work of grace takes place in the heart, there is clear evidence of it, and Talkative was a man who could talk smoothly, but had never experienced saving grace at work in his heart.
Faithful, Christian, and Talkative (2022)
I think it's a blessing from God to meet people well on this pilgrimage, but sometimes it's not, and we fall into the valley of the shadow of death. Christian's encounter with Faithful was a blessing, but my encounter with a Talkative was a great woe.
Talkative Who Sold the Stork
I reached retirement age before I could finish my project of stork reintroduction. I tried very hard to train a successor, but it didn't work out. The university didn't choose the person I trained, and the only person I trusted to succeed me was a female professor of environmental studies. She took what I had spent 20 years building and turned it into her own business overnight. I knew her as a christian, but she was a total talkative when it came to stork reintroduction.
When I was at the university, we had a "Stork Tenancy Rules," which stated that the university president owned the storks I bred. The talkative who was tasked with succeeding me sold the ownership to the Cultural Heritage Administration, which is in charge of Korea's natural monuments, and built the "Stork Ecology Research Institute" Building at campus of University. Of course, it was not ostensibly sold for money, but it was apparently done in secret under the condition that the president of the University did not claim ownership of the storks. The project of the Korean stork-Reintroduction was no longer the work of a natural scientist, but fell into the hands of an administrator and an honour-seeking Talkative. The Talkative then received a presidential award from the Cultural Heritage Administration and an environmental award from the Ministry of Environment for his success in restoring the Korean stork. In a way, the Talkative looked pretty good from the outside, but the inside seemed so empty.
I remember an ornithologist once saying, "Only God can make stork restoration a success," and if he's right, then stork restoration is a project that brings glory to God, the sovereign creator of creation, because if it succeeds and wins awards, it belongs to the people. Why the people? The storks live where the people live. The storks can only survive if the farmers do not spray pesticides and make the rice fields a bio-rich environment. I don't think the success of stork restoration in Korea will happen in the near future, maybe 50 or 100 years from now, so the Talkative is like a success(?) of stork restoration in Korea, paving and building like he did, and winning awards.
As a natural scientist, I had a meltdown overnight, because there was nothing I could actively do. As I read the Bible, Judas Iscariot sold Jesus for 30 pieces of silver in exchange for handing him over to the officials. Jesus already knew this, because immediately after the kiss of Judas Iscariot, he became irresistible.
The Kiss of Judas Iscariot (2021)
After years of teaching, preaching, healing, and doing as He pleased, He was now completely in the hands of the enemy. Judas was an instrument of God's work, but I confess today that Judas is not irrelevant to me, and it is more important for me to realise that. My life, like everyone else's, is largely determined by what happens to me from the outside, something I can't control. The part of my life that is determined by my actions is only a tiny fraction. I have lived with the tendency to want everything to be an action that I initiate, but I realise that a much larger part of my life is passive, not active. What I need more is a life that focuses solely on the Lord, and a pilgrimage that leads to that kind of life.
