I want to be colorful.
How do you react when you face your fear
what do I think about myself?
Someone told me ‘you’re at a wonderful age.’, and the other said ‘you are not a child anymore.’
I have heard those lots of times from people and media. But the truth is I can’t understand at all until I actually face and I pushed myself to live hard and better than others. Suddenly, My dreams disappeared in my mind one by one in spite of myself and I found out that I’m a person without the goals or dreams that I had before.
I thought I could travel the whole world like visiting the ‘Seven Wonders of the Ancient World’ or at least I could touch one per each continent. I also imagined living in space and working inside NASA. When I just got into college, I promised myself that I will do the backpacking trip for long period and live in different countries or I will compose several songs and be one of a small music band.
But in reality, I was just busy catching up with my things. NO! I make myself have no breathing room in my life and the more time goes by, the more I feel afraid of doing something that I didn’t have done. Besides, the funniest thing is I get stressed because I figured out myself that I didn’t try before. I couldn’t be subjective for my life. By those times or failures, I got strong burnout. I was disappointed and underestimated myself. It’s hard to face the fear but I needed to make my answer to overcome that and keep trying.
Now, I want to share my moments when I face burnout and fear. I can not say it correctly because this is my first time living at my age and besides there is no answer. we just need the answer for each ourselves.
I was not an honest person.
I love to hang out with friends and I used to be a class or school president. because I loved to volunteer and lead the group but that made me a YES-man. I always tried to look nice and good to all the people. I’m used to being patient. I tried not to express my bad emotions. so I was a nice person to others but I could not be honest to others and even to myself.
once I saw trash on the floor, I took it and threw it away. But It’s because I was so conscious about other people, It’s not the reason for cleaning the space. I forced myself to be correct all the time. That mindset made me a gentleman and leader but also Yes-man, selfish, competitive, and perfectionist.
After going to college, I get more free time and have a chance to meet lots of people. But I was still conscious of other people and I couldn’t be honest with everyone. This was the worst moment that I got stressed and finally burnout. So I decided to do what I loved.
The things I have loved are Asking questions and Trying something that I have not done. I’m always open to learning new things no matter how. so that’s how I start to be honest with myself.
The project code name ‘Honestly and Limit’
When I turned 19, I promised myself to overcome my limit and do what I love with no hesitation. I was too considerate all the time so that I couldn’t make it anything. I did believe that’s the way how to be honest and overcome myself.
Cycle tour across Korea
I didn’t love my country much and neither did love myself. so I wanted to start from that first. So, I did a road cycle tour across Korea from Incheon to Busan and after 3 years, I brought my dad and brother together on the same trip. because I got to know from this trip that Korea is a beautiful country. I didn’t know we have such wonderful mountains and lakes. I couldn’t breathe when I rode in the middle of the road without anything nearby. I felt like I was flying. We do all have beauty somewhere but we just didn’t try to find it out.
I also met lots of people during the trip. People who didn’t have done this can’t understand how excited when you get into someone’s life. I shared my story and so do they. It’s a good chance to be honest.
Dokdo Security Guard
Probably most readers don’t know about the Dokdo. Dokdo is a really meaningful island for all Korean. We are arguing about territorial ownership with Japan for a long time ago and we have a history that Japan occupied Korea for 35 years. Our relationship is complicated. so we are more passionate about our territory. Dokdo is the strongest point for Korean to make patriotism.
When I was an age to get served the military service as a Korean man, I desired to be on that island. I wanted to be proud of myself and love myself although everyone doesn’t want to. For my self-esteem, I applied and finished my military duty for about 2 years in that small islands.
I’ve never regretted my choice. I still can not forget the moment, the first time when I faced the Dokdo to stay. My heart beat so fast and I can’t hear anything. I finally knew that this is what I love and I wanted to live the way that I really love. I also met lots of people and went to lots of places inside the island Ulleungdo and Dokdo. Those times gave me lots of energy and change so that I loved myself more than before.
Vend a condom on the street
I always believe that the difference between the idea and the product is whether you take the action or not. I didn’t want to hesitate. I wanted to try not only with my head. but I didn’t know how to found the Startup so instead, I tried to sell an item on the street and also wanted to solve my curiosities.
“Red ocean is always bad and Blue-ocean is good? But why does everybody fight inside the red ocean?”, “Is Korea still conservative for the contraceptive device although everyone uses it?”
so I customized condoms and sold condoms at Christmas. No matter what it was success or failure, It wasn’t important. Because that was not what I want. Although 9 out of 10 disagree with this idea, I made it and I learned lots of things. I turned my idea into reality. I made a huge step.
Getting a chance by email
Sometimes when I have some questions, I used to ask an expert. I’m not afraid of getting rejected. I asked my curiosity one of the CEO by email, and that email gave me a coffee chat. That coffee chat gave me a chance to work for a month in Jeju island, Korea, and participate ‘Work marathon’ program. I met lots of people again from all over the world. I got to know a part of the world that I didn’t know. I felt my heart beat fast again. I felt I’m alive.
It just started from an email. but now It’s a huge turning point for me in my life. We all know that life is going by our plan. sometimes, It’s scary and unstable. But that’s why It’s exciting when we faced and overcome our fear.
Aside from those trials, I also did a lot like founding a Startup, hitch-hiking, living for a month in different places, making an event, and so forth, and It’s continue.
Let’s Love ourselves.
I love the Korean program called ‘Youth Over Flowers(꽃보다 청춘)’ and ‘Noona Over Flowers(꽃보다 누나)’. It’s a story about the journey abroad heading to the destination. There were clumsy and mistook a lot. Because They didn’t experience it before.
I watched it over 10 times and took a closer look at the characters. They faced lots of problems during the trip and they also had in the past for overcoming their difficulties. But they didn’t give up and finally made it, and those efforts made them grow up and be here now.
His own effort made him grow up.
Sometimes I can get let down and get burned out. My self-esteem can get low.
But It doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I wanted to grow up to be a person who breaks the barrier and give a positive effect on others. I also wanted to be someone who love himself a lot. so I keep trying to break my limit. I can not say It’s easy. But I believe that I can paint lots of color in my life so that It can turn to be colorful.
I want to be colorful.
Let’s make our life colorful.
