I hope in tunnel not cave
앙리 마티스(Henri Matisse, 1869-1954) - <이카루스>(1944)If you are in cave, you can't find the light or exit to go outside easily. Cave isn't made for coming and outing. It's just made and has empty place. So we don't go cave commonly. Cause we are civilized, we pass tunnel not going cave. But sometimes we go cave although we don't want. For example, to take a schelter from weather or animals in mountain? As I said, we are civilized and we try to act in ideal. So, former example wouldn't happen frequently. As a result, we don't go cave physically.
But we go there mentally, socially or emotionally. Although we are civilized people, we can't avoid emotinal ordeal. So we go cave sometimes voluntarily. Anyone doesn't push me to go there. I go there voluntarily. Why we go there by emotional reason? After a while, even we can't understand why we go there and have a hard time. As we escape from dark in the cave, we can not understand which feelings we felt. If so, we made a success of outing from cave? Perhaps it wouldn't be cave. Maybe it was tunnel where we can find a light from outside. As time goes, we are not in cave. We have power to overcome and fight, we can find light and we are in not cave but tunnel.
Actually, I am having hard time these days. I hope myself to find exit or light in this tunnel. (Perhaps wishing I am not in cave must be my first wish) If I am in cave not tunnel, I will go back the way I came. But I trust myself that I can find a way to go.
Even though I'm an atheist, sometimes I wish there was a god. When I have a hard time like now, I want to depend on others like go. But I know there is no god. I just believe myself and my ability. Existentialism is a double-edged sword. It gives me power to live and sometimes makes me feel nihilism that annoy me.
Now, I am lost in the world. I'm confused by whether it's tunnel or cave. If I'm in tunnel, I want to find a light from outside or exit quickly. If I'm in cave, I want to know I am in cave and go back the way I came as soon as possible. Now I don't know where I am and what to do. I just want to depend on and find a light.
