고등학생 때 쓴 글 모음집
잡동사니
March 12, 2013
나는 글쓰기와 그림그리기를 좋아하는 인간이다.
문자와 페인팅 도구를 익힌 어린시절부터 지금까지 그동안 여러매체-종이,노트,연습장,스케치북, pc컴퓨터,노트북 ,핸드폰 등-에 남긴 끄적거림이 얼마나 될까?
말보다는 글과 그림이 세상과 소통하고 나를 발견하는데 더 용이했고 즐거웠다
얼마전 데스크탑에서 저장된 파일을 뒤지다 유년기의 습작들으로 모아둔 폴더가 통째로 사라진 것을 알았다. 컴퓨터 수리를 하며 미처 백업을 받아놓지 않아서였다.
얼마나 섭섭하고 마음 한구석 휑 하니 찬바람 불던지, 마치 유년시절이 통째로 삭제된 느낌이었다. 사라진 폴더에 담긴 것들이 작품성이 있거나 대단해서가 아니다. 그 시절의 흔적이기 때문이다.
다행히 찾아보니 다른 폴더에 몇몇 끄적거림이 남아있었다. 오랜만에 다시보니 내용도 구성도 솜씨도 엉성해서 피식 웃음마저 나온다. "현란, 신중을 쏘다" 뭐 이런 제목의 연애소설 시리즈 중 몇편들이었다.
그날이후, 앞으로는 나의 기록물들을 한곳에 모으고 싶어졌다.
그래서 블로그를 만들었다. 대입을 앞두고 바쁘지만 시간은 만들기 나름!
나는 self-documentary 를 만들며 나의 성장을 통찰하고 타인과 공유하고 소통하고자 한다.
I'll be frank.
I love writing and drawing. Some people might think that writing and drawing are so common, and thus so trivial. Some people might even assume that people who are excessively into writing and drawing are freaks, deviations from society, and cultural outsiders. However the one and only reason I like writing and drawing so much is simply this: I communicate with myself and the world through writing and drawing.
I guess it's not a big surprise that I have been engaged in 'creating' stuff from novels to songs since I was little. As soon as I got back from school, or during weekends, I would turn on my computer and get to work right away. I especially enjoyed writing fictions. They led me to a new world-a world that only I knew-and that was the best feeling, having a private world where I was the god.
Recently, I was searching through the files on my laptop to look for my novels that I wrote years ago. However, I soon found out that my files were all gone because I have not preserved them when my laptop had to be fixed.
A wave of emptiness and bitterness sank me down. I felt as if my whole childhood memory had been erased. It's not that my previous works were extraordinarily superior or contain any quality of masterpiece; however, they are the remnants of the past, the bridge to my childhood, one piece of memory that i would want to keep forever.
After this, I have decided that I will save up my works online.
That's how I, a total amateur at social network, made this blog.
I know that this is the busiest period in my life as I'm turning senior after this summer,
but there is always time for something that I really like and that has a lot of meaning.
From today, I hope to observe my growth and toil and share this with people in the world.
June 9, 2013
One of the well-known poets in 20th century, Billy Collins wrote “the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain”. As “the name of the author is the first to go, followed obediently by the title, the plot”, it is human’s tendency to forget what has been done as times goes by. However, while some heroes are stowed away by the course of years, some heroic figures from the past still remain in people’s thoughts. There are figures who will always be in the history books and will be revered as heroes.
The best example would be Thomas Edison, inventor of an electric light. His creativity and imagination was conspicuous from a young age. Once, after seeing an egg hatching, Edison brood on eggs as if he was a hen. He could not adapt to a provincial school system and thus, dropped it in three months and was taught by his mom.
His career started as a railroad page boy. When he was twelve, he studied about a telegraph in a small laboratory he made at the corner of the train. He eventually became a telegrapher in Canada and invented his first masterpiece, electric vote recorder. Afterwards, he focused on reading and experimenting and succeeded on making a telegraph apparatus, phonograph, a film projector, and a light bulb. Among all, the most innovative and influential invention was a first practical light. Due to Edison’s new light bulb which used a carbon filament, Americans no longer had to rely on a dim candle light. He devoted himself on experimenting until the last minute he died.
Thomas Edison had showed a true work ethic: incessant desire to learn and devoted passion. He did not stop researching and studying when he first invented an electric vote recorder. Instead, he further strived to invent more equipment that will enhance people’s lives. Not only this, but he also founded a Menlo Park, the first industrial research lab, increasing the size and the efficiency of his experiments. Likewise, Thomas Edison showed the human’s thirst for knowledge and the capacity to seek a continuous improvement. Therefore, people nowadays are inspired by Edison’s strong determination to devour one field of study.
According to a dictionary, hero is someone who is distinguished by exceptional courage, nobility, fortitude, etc. By its definition, an old lady who donated generous amount of money which she had earned for decades or a firefighter who rescued a child from a burning building are also heroes. However, they are easily forgotten. Considering people’s inclination to forget the past, it is not surprising that among all the heroic figures we encounter or hear about are easily disregarded. But, there are exceptions and Thomas Edison is one of them. When people use an electric light or a projector, they instantly think of Edison and venerate his sublime accomplishments. Children still read books about his rather absurd childhood, his unremitting passion on experimenting, and all his inventions. Thomas Edison has kept his honor and distinction for nearly a century, and will remain in the history book forever.
June 9, 2013
고딩때 그린 짐 캐리
짐 캐리 원본Humor is mankind's best blessing.
-Mark Twain
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival.
June 9, 2013
<<Ways to deal with Change>>
If you are one of those who get chills on the back by the thought of trying something new, these are some of the tips that I recommend you to follow.
As a person who also has been a consistent opponent of ‘change’, I have insisted on staying the same way. However, through many experiences, I’ve learned that change is inevitable in life. We meet new people, go to new places, learn new things, and start new lives. Like an old saying, “If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it,” it is essential to know how to cope, and even have some little fun with small to drastic changes in this fast-paced society.
First of all, do not freak out. Do not stress yourself over imagination. People tend to get hurt more by the imagination than the reality. Before assuming, or picturing the worst, focus on what you can do first. Know that your imagination is probably unlikely to happen and if you stay on the route you believe in, it will not happen for sure.
Secondly, take advantage of the situation. You should know that you and whole million of other people are on the same boat regarding to a sudden change. They are confused, bewildered, upset, or unsatisfied. When others are struggling, this is your time to shine. Step up and lead the pack. Do what you can. Help others to get through the hardship. Do not sink underwater like others but swim through the waves.
Third, have faith in yourself. As said before, everyone, without any exaggeration, faces a change at least once in their life time. You might feel left out alone in the dark, or as if God has abandoned you or is bullying you. But the truth is, shit happens. There is no specific answer to how to cope with a change. Simply, what you have to do is, and really, the only thing you can do is, to be yourself. You know yourself the most and the situation you are in. If you are striving for the better, then your instinct will lead you the way. Keep calm and listen to your inner voice. What is it saying? If it is strongly suggesting something, do not ignore it, do not seek for different advice from various others. Just stick to yourself. Only you can decide your future.
Lastly, be optimistic! One of the challenging aspects of change is that sometimes, you have to leave the old ones and say goodbye to them. The parting can be permanent or temporary. Yes. It is painful to put all the memories behind and pretend as if they do not visit you day and night. However, do not stay on the past too much because you might be missing out the present and future. Shake off the musty and murky feelings that linger around your mind and look on the bright side. This change that might have taken away your friends or career can be an opportunity for a fresh start. Change can be a chance.
June 9, 2013
<<The Greatest Journey>>
When I first got there, I liked how people so easily defined me. They thought I was one of the typical Asians who are new to America. They thought I tend to be shy, naïve, and passive. They thought I excelled in academics, but not in sports. They thought I could understand Chinese but not so much English. They responded to me on the basis of all these thoughts. They were responding to ‘fake-me’ whom they created in their heads. My first priority was to quickly learn how to be an American. I felt the need to change my appearance first, and thus, started wearing sperries with a short, bright blazer like other preppy girls, grew out my bang and died my hair into brown unlike other Asian girls, and put heavy makeup every morning. Then I tried to work on my English, but language was not what I could obtain overnight. Feeling the limits in ability to speak, I decided to turn my course and rather appeal myself as seemingly-Americanized-but-actually-an-Asian. Also, frankly I did not dislike the aww-s and comments like “you are so cute!” whenever I mumbled or stuttered when I talked. I laughed at the jokes I did not find funny and joined in gossiping when I felt as if running away. I pretended as if I knew nothing when guys threw out inappropriate comments and resisted to raise my hands during the discussion. That was who I was becoming and I tried my best to be content with it.
After couple of months, however, I was worn out by everything I was doing. I was tired of pretending who I was not. I was so sick of failing to express myself. I was so desperate to overcome the language barrier. And I hated the stereotypes. Then I began to think: What is the purpose of trying so hard to fit in? What if there is another way to assimilate other than completely changing myself? After all, it did not mean that I looked like an American for putting extra eyeliner. It did not mean that I sounded like an American for imitating how someone else talks. It did not mean that I acted like an American for trashing my own values and cultures. Assimilation comes not from changing your shell, but from keeping your body. Assimilation does not come when one is transformed to his environment, but when one feels comfortable being himself in his environment. By being who I was not, I deceived both myself and people around me. At last, after several months of a painful show, I decided to step down from the stage, and take off the mask.
Going back to who I really am was not easy either. I knew it would take a lot of time to gradually reveal who Clare Kim really is. However, at least I did not feel like suffocating from being locked in a small, rigid box every day. At least, I can lie on my bed at the end of the day and tell myself, “Good job, that’s what Clare can do”. At least, I can embrace myself for being rather shameless, bold, and optimistic Asian who speaks decent amount of English and no Chinese at all (not only because I am Korean, but also because I loathed learning Chinese), has moderate ratio of As and Bs for grades, likes to play tennis, sometimes embraces inappropriate jokes and loves sharing my opinions in class.
June 9, 2013
<<My Insights on Cold War>>
The Cold War is undoubtedly the longest-lasting war that included complications with more than 10 other countries in US history. From 1947 to 1991, tension between the Soviet Union and the United States rose and fell, often making other nations to fear. Although the Soviet Union and the United States never confronted each other directly, they often stood face to face on the other lands such as Germany, Korea, and Vietnam. As much as both countries regarded the war as between democracy and communism, the fundamental cause of the war was their ultimate desire to be the ‘best’; both Soviet Union and the United States wanted to win the title of the most powerful nation in the world. Although there are many different causes of the war and therefore, is hard to pinpoint which one has directly led to the war, the Cold War ultimately created by mutual competition and distrust.
Even though there is no one cause for the war, there were plenty of major incidents that contributed to build up the tension between the United States and Soviet Union. The first one started with what is called the “arms race,” a competition to produce nuclear weapons. During World War II, the United States had developed a nuclear weapon. Through the Roosevelt’s adamant support, the Office of Scientific Research and Development developed a new weapon, the atomic bomb which displayed unprecedented power of destruction. Alarmed by the United States’ new secret weapon, the Soviet Union government sent spies to obtain information about its manufacture
[1]. Before long, Stalin initiated a massive program to build a Soviet bomb that imposed a considerably greater burden on his country than the Manhattan Project had on the United States.
In August 1949, Soviet launched a bomb test, and its first atomic bomb, RSD-1, turned out to be more destructive than expected; the US and Soviet Union were once again neck and neck
[2]. Upon hearing this news, Truman expanded the possibility of making even stronger bomb. The scientists who developed the atomic bomb had suspected since 1942 that it was possible to create the H-bomb, or the hydrogen bomb, which would have the force of 1 million tons of TNT. Despite the concerns regarding morality and the huge amount of damage the bomb can lead to, the United States put all of its effort to create H-bomb, and in November 1, 1952, the US exploded the first H-bomb [3]. Less than a year later, the Soviets exploded their own thermonuclear weapon.
When Dwight D. Eisenhower became a president, the arms race was at its peak. With his policy of brinkmanship, putting the United States to the edge of war against Soviet Union, the US trimmed its army and navy and expanded its air force and its buildup of nuclear weapons. The president thought that the United States should react strongly to the Soviet Union’s threat and stop the communism from spreading even if the US had to go on a war. The notorious bomb test, BRAVO, demonstrates how out of control the race had gotten. With the force of 750 times the size of the Hiroshima atomic bomb, the new bomb blasted hundreds of miles of Marshall Islands, resulting in the radiation exposure of 236 inhabitants of the islands and killing a member of Japanese fishing boat [4]. This incidence became an international controversy for a while and people started to worry about the deadly effect of the nuclear weapon. The Soviet Union did not stop its progress to better its arms either. In 1955, they introduced equally powerful thermonuclear weapon.
Although both countries were aware of the catastrophic outcome of the bombs, they did not stop but made one after another. There was no clear winner in this race, but one thing for sure is that there were thousands of victims, the innocent civilians who were contaminated by the radioactive chemicals in the bombs.
Similarly to the arms race, the space race also showed a desire to determine who would be the best. As the title implies, the Soviet Union and the US not only fought in the terrestrial level, but also in the celestial level. Both nations wanted to perfect their technology in general. Unlike the arms race though, it was the Soviet Union which first sent Sputnik, the world’s first artificial satellite in 1957. Its successful launch signified a triumph of Soviet technology. Americans immediately established their own space program. Although the first American satellite, Vanguard 1 ended up in failure, the Americans succeeded in putting a satellite called Explorer 1 into space in 1958
[5]. It was much smaller than Sputnik, but it provided much more scientific data. Therefore, Americans felt relieved by the fact that although the US may not have been the first into space, it was building a better space program.
However, Soviet Union once again startled the world by arranging the first successful human journey to the outer space. Yuri Gagarin, a young Soviet cosmonaut, completed an orbit of Earth in 1961. Soviet Union had once again taken the ‘first’ position in space race. The United States did not step back though. The creation of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, or more commonly, NASA, ensured the space program as a permanent fixture in American life. Tremendous amount of budget and brain powers were dedicated to the program.
Finally, the chance to stir public’s minds soon came to the United States also in 1969 when Neil Armstrong landed on the surface of the moon with Apollo 11 crew [6]. The video of him walking on the moon became a world-wide issue and there were, and still are many debates on whether the US government fabricated the video. Many doubted that the American flag waving on the moon without gravity and the presence of Armstrong’s shadow on the surface were illogical. Regardless, the space race continued with the arms race for decades. Both the Soviet Union and the United States wanted to achieve scientific and technological supremacy and restrict each other’s growth at the same time. The fiery competition between two nations definitely boosted human’s exploration into space and triggered many people’s curiosity and opened up possibilities about the outer world. The Cold War improved two nations’ scientific technology of producing weapons and exploring space, but it also put many in fear of the physical war and intense tension between two clashing beliefs, democracy and communism. The Cold War was an indirect war between the United States and the Soviet Union, the US being a democratic, capitalist country and the Soviet Union totalitarian and communist. Their political and economical ideologies perfectly contrasted each other and one of the main goals of the Cold War was to spread their own beliefs to the world.
Soviet Union did so by installing communist governments in satellite nations such as Albania, Bulgaria, Hungary, Romania, Poland, and Czechoslovakia, all of them Eastern European countries. By dominating this region, the Soviets felt they could stop further invasions from the west and encourage communism as part of the worldwide struggle between workers and wealthy. It made a Warsaw Pact with eight Eastern European countries for mutual defense in 1955. In order to prevent the expansion of communist rule to other countries, President Truman had to come up with various ways to restrict Soviet Union. He declared the Truman Doctrine, stating that the US would support all the people who are suffering from the oppression and subjugation by armed minorities, or more straightforwardly, communist government [7]. This Doctrine was shown first by the Marshall Plan which revived Western European countries’ economy by providing monetary aid and by the Berlin airlift. As Stalin closed all the routes to West Berlin, American and British officials started to fly food and supplies into West Berlin by planes. This not only saved the West Berlin, but also boosted American prestige around the world. The United States was proving its title as an arsenal of democracy.
After the Berlin blockade incident, ten Western European nations, the United States, and Canada formed a defensive military alliance called the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, NATO, in 1949. They agreed to fight together against the Soviet aggression. However, communism was on its way to Asia. In China, after the nationalist Chang Kai-shek’s failed government, Mao Zedong, a communist, rose up as a new leader. In only 20 years, the Communists ruled all of mainland China and they established a new government, the People’s Republic of China[8]. China was not the end. When the Korean War ended as a stalemate and North Korea fell under communist rule, Americans surely felt the communism spreading. What is worse, the 1960’s was a era of crisis, and most crises did not end so well for the United States. Starting from the Cuban Crisis to the Vietnam War, expansion of communism seemed relentless. Communist leaders like Fidel Castro and Ho Chi Minh took control and altered their nations into Communist countries [9]. Anywhere the communism spread, Soviet Union strongly supported the nation while the United States tried its best to contain the communism. Sometimes through peace, sometimes through pressure, the United States tried to secure the oppressed nations and stop communism from swallowing up other continents.
The Cold War was a war after another. Both nations’ fear of atomic bomb, fear of scientific inferiority, expansion and need for an international security, and spread of own ideology, the Soviet Union and the United States strived for the top. In order to do so, they had to become better than each other; in the process of trying to outcompete one another, came the arms race, space race, alliance with certain nations, and indirect wars. As Soviet economy started to crumble, the Soviet Union could not hold the alliance with other Eastern European countries anymore. Domestically, Soviet republicans threatened to secede from the Union; with structural chaos and plummeting economy, the Soviet government could not help but to officially dissolve. It is hard to say that the United States won the war because both countries had its gains and losses, and the war itself was unofficial. However, the message of Cold War was clear: there will always be a rivalry between western democracies and eastern communists.
아무도
아무도바라보지않는사이
들꽃이피고진다.
아무도바라보지않는사이
별들이 떴다진다.
아무도바라보지않는사이
세상의 많은것들이
홀로 살고사라진다.
그래도
참으로
열심히 살고있다.
너도, 나도
July 7, 2013
베트남 고엽제마을 <Friendship Village>의 초록여름
학교를 둘러싼 벽은 온통 짙은 초록이었다. 핑거페인팅을 끝낸 한 소녀가 아까부터 내 주변을 맴돌며 나를 바라보고 있었다. 남자아이를 도와주던 내 작업이 끝나자 소녀는 주춤주춤 다가왔다. 크고 까만 눈이 마주쳤다. 그녀는 무어라 웅얼거리더니 내 손을 잡았다.뒤틀린 팔로! 뭐지? 순간 등줄기에서 땀이 났다. 그녀는 내 손을 이끌고 복도로 나갔다. 들어올 때보다 복도는 길었다.‘나는 친절한 봉사자다. 손을 뿌리치면 안된다’되뇌이며 코너를 돌자 화장실이었다. 세면대앞에서 아이는 수줍게 웃으며 내게 손씻는 시늉을 했다. 굽은 손으로 수도꼭지를 틀더니 내 두손을 감싸 흐르는 물에 담궜다. “손을 씻겨주고 싶어요” 이말이었나? 물비누를 짜 거품을 내더니 조심스레 내손을 문질렀다. 물감범벅된 네 개의 손이 이내 흰 거품속에 어우러졌다. 아이의 펴지지않는 손에서 온기가 느껴졌다. 어두운 동네에 가로등이 켜지듯 내몸 전체로 그 온기가 퍼졌다. 우리는 비로소 같이 소리내어 웃었다.하하히히 까르르--물감얼룩과 함께 무거웠던 마음도 씻겨 내려갔다.
세상과 단절된 그 초록색 벽은 어쩌면 내 마음속에도 버티고 있었던 것 같다.
“편견”이라는 이름으로.
하노이에 있는 <Friendship Village>는 고엽제 환자가족이 모여사는 마을이다. 나는 9학년때부터 해마다 여름방학에 이곳에 와서 영어도 가르치고 같이놀고 벽화도 그리는 일들을 해왔다. 그런데 알고보니 나는 편견을 잔뜩 지닌채 봉사를 하는 시늉만 하고 있었던 것이다.
고엽제가 전염병이 아닌데도 그들과 접촉하기는 꺼려졌다. 나는 “베푸는 사람”, “우월한 사람”이고 그들은 “도움을 받는 자“, ”열등한 사람들“. 이라고 여겼다. 봉사가던 첫해여름, 저 소녀, ‘띠엔’과의 만남이후 세상을 바라보는 틀이 고체에서 액체로 바뀌었다. 무엇을 보느냐보다 어떻게 보느냐가 중요하다.
내가 고엽제환자들에게 색안경을 끼고 대했듯이 나같은 아시안 유학생에 대한 미국현지인들의 시선은 어떨까? 띠엔에게 웃고 대하면서도 접촉은 꺼려했듯, 다들 친절히 대하지만 속으로는 무슨 생각을 할까? 동남아 출신의 새댁들에게 모국문화를 버리고 한국어와 한국문화를 속히 익히기를 강요면서도 서구출신의 새댁들에게는 그런 요구를 하지않는다. 빈민국출신의 이주노동자들에 대한 시선은 1960,70년대 독일에 광부와 간호사로 갔던 한국인들에 대한 시선과도 비슷할 것이다.
편견은 소통을 막고 본질을 가린다. 나는 사물과 사람,현상의 본질을 있는 그대로 보고싶다. 세상사람들 역시 나를 그냥 “나”로 봐주면 좋겠다. 외모도, 능력도 생각도 서로 다른 사람들과 편견없이 소통하고 싶다.
올 8월에도 <Friendship Village>를 갈것이다. 띠엔의 손은 여전히 비틀린 채 있겠지만 우리의 Friendship 은 곧게 펴져 수평선처럼 맞닿아 있을것이다.
Ugly room. The girl took notice of me and made a gesture to follow her. So I did. Through the tainted hallways, up the slanted stairs, and by couple of corners we walked, silently. I thought, what does she want from me? Where is she taking me? The place we finally ended our little trip turned out to be, rather out of blue, a bathroom. I stood perfectly still as she started to run the water in the sink. She casually turned the handle to the warm side and the water significantly became thin and weak, streaming like a trivial river in the creek. She made a bowl shape with her hands, got some moderate amount of water, calmly poured it on my arms, and gently rubbed the paint stains off. The process was so seamless and gracious that I did not even bother to think how to react. I simply watched the girl in awe, contained in the very moment, the very movement the girl engaged in. Not only I was grateful of her for cleaning the stains, but also as her skin touched mine, I felt a little drop of warmth spreading, paralyzing my heart. When she got rid of all the stains, she made a satisfying smile. As if she was embarrassed by her momentary pride, she blushed and twisted her body shyly. I did not know how to thank her, so I gave her an assuring nod that she did an excellent job.
Friendship Village in Hanoi, Vietnam is a little town where patients of Agent Orange, an aftermath disease that deadly pesticide used in Vietnam War left, stay and rehabilitate. I have visited this place since my freshman year to take care of the children and teach them basic English and art (in which I conducted finger-painting). After long hard work, I was glad, even proud, that I was capable of helping them-that I was a benefactor. However, before long, I soon realized that this was an eschewed way to view my commitment to the children. I was not the only one who was sharing and giving.
With all honesty, I cannot say that I never judged them. Yes. I was eager to help the children, eager to form new relationships and build new experience; however, all the eagerness lay under the circumstance that I was a “giver”, and thus a “superior one”. This attitude hindered me from entering an intimate and genuine relationship with the children. I was so focused on accomplishing my duty as a “helper” that I could not see what was beyond the fence. I was reaching out my hand, waiting for them to grab it first; the prejudice that I was a better one blocked me from taking a step closer to them. I was courteously blind…….until I met Dien.
The brief encounter with Dien has transformed my perspective from a solid square box into a flowing liquid. A bright eleven year old girl, she helped me open my eyes to the world where not only “I” but also “we” exists, and taught me the value of ridding oneself of assumption and stereotype that often lock one in an ugly room. An ugly room full of stains. Your view is limited, your door, closed shut. I was almost on verge of feeling content in that room, but Dien pushed the walls down, and the wall became a road to a bigger world. The world showed me that there is no right or wrong. There is no better or worse, or no strong or weak. There is just a ‘difference’. However, even within that difference, essentially everyone is the same in the sense that we all are unique in our own way. And to neglect this notion is to deny the essence of human society which its stark characteristic is heterogeneity. I learned to jump in the mix of crowd before I judge. Dien is not just a girl who has a mild mental illness due to Agent Orange; she is a girl brave enough to approach a foreign stranger, prudent enough to hand-wash the stains, and humble enough to shake off the gratuitous dept with a bright smile. Paint stains gone, so were the stains of the room. In that rusty, small bathroom stood two of us looking at each other, recognizing the same beaming smile on one’s face. The room wasn’t ugly anymore.
September 24, 2017
Where do I feel most content? The bathroom, of course.
I agree that one’s place of greatest contentment should be a place where you can feel totally comfortable and relaxed. Having shared this prompt with my fellow peers, I found out that the majority of them preferred the comfort of their houses and a special few mentioned their own unique places with which some special memory is associated. However, I seek more than comfort or a memorable story when I think of my favorite place. For me, at the end of the day after a long, tiring struggle with the outside world, I make my way to my secret safe haven: the bathroom.
Now before I go on, let me make this clear: the bathroom I speak of is not one of those filthy, smelly, public bathrooms, but a clean and homely one, such as the bathroom in my house or even the one in my school dormitory. That being said, I will further explain why I choose the bathroom out of many places. First of all, there is the emotional reason. In all honesty, as strange as it may sound, I feel calm and soothed in the bathroom. The soft, orange-tinted light, the faint whispering noise from the ventilator, and when lucky, the sound of water drops falling in the sink are some of the sensory features of the bathroom that placate me. The cozy size of the room and the spotless white tiles appease me. Most importantly, the tranquility and soundlessness that a bathroom can create constructs for me a perfect space in which to feel content. This unique serenity allows me to have a time of self-reflection during which I can organize my thoughts, plan out my day, or reminiscence on the past. Because the bathroom offers such an uncommon opportunity, when I close that bathroom door behind me, I feel like I have entered
my true safe haven.
Besides its calming interior and quietness, the bathroom is the only place where I can be alone without being judged. Today’s society values people who are very social, whether they are superficial or not. We are constantly monitored, interrupted by packs of people, and forced to interact. Some people like me who want a little bit of a break from the hustle and bustle of life are easily targeted, neglected, and regarded as introverts. It is frowned upon that I want to be alone. However, the bathroom is an exception. Everyone, extroverts or introverts, want privacy in the bathroom. They want to lock the doors shut and avoid disturbance. Even those people who desperately need to be the centre of attention want to avoid any attention in the bathroom. In the bathroom, we all become independent and private figures.
Lastly, the bathroom reminds me that no one is perfect. The bathroom, despite its comfortable features, is also a place where people are completely vulnerable. In the bathroom, they have to expose their nakedness (both literally and figuratively). No matter how much they dissociate themselves with the ‘disgusting’ action of using the toilet, they cannot escape the daily task. No matter how much they smell like fairies and pop stars with their Calvin Klein and Gucci perfumes, they still have to take a shower eventually. No matter how flawless their skin looks and how shiny their lips beam, they have to erase their makeup at the end of the day. They reveal their true selves and take off their masks in the bathroom. They become their original, authentic, imperfect selves.
The truth is, we all need a break from the crowd. The bathroom is an easily accessible place that offers the perfect environment for us to take a little rest from the outside chaos and focus on ourselves for a moment. As we shut that door, flush the toilet, and drain out the sink, we also can let go of some of the burdens and drama in our lives. I am proud to say that I feel most content in the bathroom. And yes, I wrote this very essay in the bathroom.