Either you or I pay it all
This time the three of us made only a little bit of fuss over who was paying for lunch. Prof. Chung, a visiting fellow at Griffith University, was so adamant that it became clear he was paying this time even before we stepped into the restuarant. I was thinking of treating them as well and made sure I had enough cash before I headed to the appointed place. Shin, a librarian at Griffith, also insisted it was on her.
A friendly struggle is almost a ritual when it is time to pay the bill after dining with friends or colleagues. Each person takes out his or her wallet and practically shoves the others out of the way so that he or she can pay unless it has clearly arranged beforehand. Prof. Chung had wisely anticipated this and thus wanted to avoid making a scene in front of the puzzled Australian cashier.
It seems quite different in Australia from what I saw in a restaurant in Brisbane. There were about ten couples sitting around a table and interestingly, everyone was paying up-front only for his or her drink as he or she placed orders with a waiter. And I was surprised by my Austalian neighbour, Bob, going Dutch with his 30-something-year-old son. I just can't imagine my husband paying only for himself, while letting his parents pay for themselves.
Dutch pay is largely practised by the younger generations in Korea, and it is also gaining ground among the older generation. Yet to split the bill between friends is somehow embarrassing. Either I pay it all or you do.
So a person who is quick enough to be at the counter ends up paying for everybody. But don't you worry. No one can be a freeloader all the time. Next time one of the others who hasn't yet paid will be even quicker at the counter. The equation of loss and gain evens out in a beautifully fair manner.
The women colleagues, three regulars with one or two irregulars, of my luch coteries back home in Korea fumble in our purses to pay as the meeting comes to an end, each insisting on paying. We give in reluctantly to the one who voices most strongly that is is her turn. Tacitly, we somehow know when our turn comes. OK, you paid the other day for us all. Now I am paying this time. If, however, you keep on skipping your turn in a noticeable way, you would be branded a free-loader and your social life would be in jeopardy.
This may all sound unfamiliar to Westerners, but voicing to pay when you can and retreating when you cannot may not be bad at all. Actually, paying for others spices the relationship as flashes of wit and humor give zest to conversations. Even if you pay this time, others will pay next time when their turn comes up. There is no loss after all. It's just a matter of time.
(From Bits and Pieces of the Korean Culture, 2000)
호주에 1년간 안식년으로 있으면서 쓴 글입니다.
