18. 내 속 곧 내 육신에 선한 것이 거하지 아니하는 줄을 아노니 원함은 내게 있으나 선을 행하는 것은 없노라
18. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19. 내가 원하는 바 선은 행하지 아니하고 도리어 원하지 아니하는 바 악을 행하는도다
19. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20. 만일 내가 원하지 아니하는 그것을 하면 이를 행하는 자는 내가 아니요 내 속에 거하는 죄니라
20. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
I have thought long and deep of this kind of sinful nature and the attribute of human beings, as I know that all kinds of troubles and agonies I experience in life could come from this evil and controversial natute. Accordingly, to know myself and others through this kind of essence of humans is regarded very important and essential as well, if I want to live a good and peaceful life with good relationships with others except me.
I have been trying to do one thing for good a day intentionally and it is not because I am a good girl, but rather because I know that I am not the one who does good, naturally doing what I do not want to do as the Apostle Paul admitted honestly, but with a miserable feeling, saying "What a wretched man I am!"
I recently experienced what an awful thing I could do to my close ones and I have been pretending that I have suffered from it, which was all from my sinful nature. I must have thought that I was all ears to God’s voice, but I wasn't. Meanwhile, I was entertaining my sinful thoughts and feelings within me, blaming others for not loving me and stabbing on my back.
Though, I thank to God for Jesus my Savior who could make my sins forgiven and through whom I could call His name again, rasing my hands with absolute obedience. I was wrong and i behaved bad, so my Lord, forgive my sins and hug me with Your wings, so let me stand before You boldly again.
