Anni, 아니
distinguish an original from imitations
1.
I read a book, 'One true loves' by Taylor Jenkins Reid. It is a novel and about Emma's journey to arrive at her true loves. I thought it's strange about the plural of the 'love', 'loves'.
In Emma's life, there are 2 important guys. Jesses and Sam. Jesses is her husband. Emma had a crush on Jesses when they were in a high school. They got married when they'd been together 9 years. They really love each other and bulid a life for themselves; Travelling a lot far from where they've come from. One day before their first wedding anniversary Jesses who goes to the Island in Antarctica get lost.
Emma lose the meaning of her life. She just wants to die.
As time go by, instead of being in a sorrow she slowly recover. She comes back to her hometown in Massachusetts and helps her parents' bookstore business. And she meets Sam. Sam was also her high school friend who liked Emma once. Again Sam loves Emma who lost her husband. Sam wants to be with her and Amma opens her heart to him. They fall in love and they are about to get married.
I can't believe this, but Jesses who was missing and believed died survives. He wants to get back his life and his wife Emma. Between Jesses and Sam, she has no idea what to do. She loves both. But she needs to choose one.
Who do you think Emma finally decided to be with?
While I was reading this book, I told about this story to my boyfriend and my italki english teacher Kyle. Before we knew the ending, they both concluded that Emma would probably choose Jesses. I said no. I wanted her to stay with Sam. Not because Sam is more my type of person or sweet(Actually he is).
Emma is not anymore that Emma who used to dream travelling all over the world, like to keep long hair, want a diet coke and an ice cream when she was nervous. Now she likes to play the piano when she feels nervous, she likes her short hair, she loves her job as a manager in her parents' bookstore, she loves to be near with her family. Emma once loved Jesses sincerely and now Emma wants to imagine her life with Sam in her hometown. As time passes Emma could get out of her sadness. As time passes she is there where she is.
I think you are in a really confusing situation between Jess and Jen. But I think you would be okay at last. It's so natural to like Jess and Jen both that you don't need to feel weird. I think so. Do you remember that I once asked you to find your love as a month challenge? You found your loves. The only thing I can tell you is congratulation. As time passes you will be there.
2. What am I looking for?
I came back from the supermarket just before. On the way to go there and come back, I kept asking this question to me. 'What am I looking for?' I couldn't answer it.
I believed that I would be happy to be a dandelion seed. A dandelion seed floating the universe dancing cheerfully without knowing where they go. It doesn't matter where I go but it matters how I'm dancing.
But now I can't dance without knowing where I'm going. I can't understand myself recently who are obsessed with finding a destination and shortcuts to go there. I became a boring person.
The same arguement keep happening to us recently. I didn't expect it would be hard like this to get a work permit. Our agency said the visa type we originally planned to apply would be impossible. The only option we can take now is applying for an one year work permit. Jay wants to proceed with this visa application. And I have a doubt if it is worthy. While we try to get this work permit it can happen both of us stay in Canada with just tourist visa. I don't like to cling to this only visa issues. I got sick of this. I got sick of talking with the stupid agency and arguing with Jay.
Jay said he wants to wait for our work permit till we get it. What for? He said he doesn't want to go back to South Korea yet. So do I. But I know it shouldn't be a main reason for staying in Canada. It reveals that we don't have any ability to live well in our country. This is not what I wanted.
I want to travel a lot and feel more, like you do. But now I face a dilemma. I also want to have any ability to live well where I'm living in and to do that, I think I need to take an action.
Am I right Anni? I am not sure about what I'm thinking about now.
You said probably you are not gonna stay in Finland. You added that you are blessed with so many opportunities in your life that it's hard to pick one. You are really blessed with your perspective Anni. I can't think like you do now.
But I'll try that.
=> I can imagine my future in a thousand ways but It's useless to assure my last destination. I hate it. I can think about lots of options for doing what I'd like to do effectively, but there's no the best or the worst route since it depends on how I'm accepting; Being dragged or dancing. My visa is in an insecure status but it doesn't mean that I can't help to be insecure either. 'I'm the one who are very blessed with so many opportunities in my life that it's hard to pick one.' I'll do well with this. I have an abillity to do well with this.
3. Hyper realism
Hyper realism is one of the art trend affected by the pop-art in America since 1960s. It's about realism which is more than realism. Artist paints and sculpts resembling a photograph but they should mimic the images realistically without their subjectivity.
People ask to hyper realism artist why they imitate the images instead of taking actual photos? The artist explained why.
We live in the society which is made by people. The society has no substance but it manipulates and dominates people. We appoint ourselves to imitations, industrial products. We want to be someone else not to be ourselves. We can't tell what the original is. Are we sure that this world is not a fake one? Which is an original or a fake in this world? Are you sure you are not the fake one?
He said the purpose of the hyper realism is to let people have sense about the difference between the original and the copy, then think about what our reality is like. We are easily overwhelmed by this ready-made world and we easily think that it is the original. They want us follow there goal, excluding rebellion. They have power to make their rule to be the original. We consume their marketing and believe their propaganda. The tail is wagging the dog. But the true is you are the original. We should confront this copy world with the original ourselves. We shouldn't let the copy world eat away at our own nature.
A bear lives as a bear and dies as a bear. A frog lives as a frog and dies as a frog. Anni lives as a Anni and dies as a Anni. Karen lives as a Karen and dies as a Karen.
I said Kyle that I don't want to be confused anymore. He was skeptical about it. He said it's almost impossible not to be confused in this strange world. All right, he's right. Then I want to be less confused! I need a wisdom to distinguish an original from a copy not only in an outer world, also in my inner world.
4.
I like to spend my time to write to you Anni. I like to have a cup of coffee by myself quietly. I like to read amazing books. I like to write about my emotion and thinking on what's happening around me or what I read or watch. I really appreciate to share that with my friends. I love to love my ugly-cute guy Jay so I hope we can take care of each other as long as we can. I like him to be an assistant when I cook and eat that meals with our friends. I like to be unique more and more. I want to have my own voice and speak it out without fear. I like to make my friends feel warm. Ah, I like to wake up early and sit at the desk for my writing. I like to be more consistent about my writing. I want to be more honest. Wow It's bullet writing. I want to make progress in my own version but not to lose my original.
I think we already talke about this 'what we like' things. Whatever.
Maybe you're now with Jen and spend precious time with her. Hope everything around you will be good.
You asked help, but sorry Anni, kkk, I'm more in mess than you are.
Your Okinawa video is so shining. Your Osaka ones would be shining as well.
I love you too.
yours, Anni
