Socially Vegetative State

사회적 식물 인간

  People say that suicide is a 'social homicide.' I have never contemplated any kind of real suicide, but for a long time, I had been thinking about 'social suicide.'

  It doesn't mean practically getting rid of every single relationship or fearing it, nor does it mean experiencing depression. I'm still enjoying many things, meeting someone when needed, and appreciating almost everyone I see. I don't even choose since I cannot select our needs. I only try to consider whether we really need it. Thus, since my resignation from a job--retirement, maybe--, which should have been a recognized one, I'm just staying as quiet as I can be. I don't mean to be seclusive, though it may seem so.

  After several years, I have come to the conclusion that this is not death, but rather a pseudo-vegetative state or a pseudo-autism. However, I find myself preferring this state as I seek inner peace. I remain here, in the same place, and I have simply come to the realization and agreement that the physical location itself holds no significance. 

  Likewise, speaking to no one does not mean loneliness at all. I can say it because I no longer find satisfaction in those conversations filled with fathomless meaninglessness while talking too much in vain. Merely being together and having excessive communications dosen't alleviate one's loneliness, but only distracts us from it and let it hide within us, sometimes even amplifying its intensity. But I also never regret those days; I enjoyed them too, as my realization should have purely emerged from those days, which were just good enough to make me feel fed up. I would say this is more like an allergic reaction and not my logical outcome. 

  Needless to say, it is just one of mental immune functions that may differ according to each person's characteristics. All we need from each other is to know that there is no only one answer for everyone, and try to understand different lives as they are unless they harm others.

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