The Third Farewell
A Life Takes Responsibility for Decision
How do people make decisions?
When people make decisions, various factors come into play.
These factors include emotions, experiences, information, and values. In our lives, it’s impossible to always make the right or comfortable choices.
Sometimes, it appears as if we are making deliberate decisions, but the circumstances often dictate the outcomes.
Thus, our decisions are frequently influenced by unexpected factors.
Throughout my life, I seem to have chosen the difficult paths without knowing why.
Why is that?
Could it be that I have emotional issues that lead me to be drawn to and decide on only the challenging and difficult things due to my emotions or values?
The past three years in Pakistan felt like a novel where overcoming one barrier led to encountering another.
Through this time, I became bolder and grew significantly. I realized many things about what truly constitutes a valuable life.
My husband, who had been working in a place three hours away by plane, had to join me back in the big city where I was due to various complicated situations.
He, as expected, jumped into working diligently to help and build the church, and our house was bustling with the youth of the church every week.
I was still working at the hospital.
One day, my husband's visa extension was denied.
Whatever happened in the other city must have had an impact, as there was no solution to the problem.
The immigration office gave him some time and then told him he had to leave the country. I was on multiple medications for tuberculosis, rheumatism, and kidney issues, and it had been about three months since I gave birth to our son. Our 1-year-3-month-old daughter was being taken care of by my mother in Korea, and now I had to part with my husband again.
It was extremely difficult to decide what to do.
Usually, when the breadwinner’s visa is denied, the whole family has to leave. However, I was conflicted about whether to follow my husband or stay behind to fulfill my duties with my young son without him. Every day was precious, but I couldn't sleep at night, tormented by the decision.
Finally, the immigration office notified my husband to leave.
We had to prepare for our third farewell.
After praying for several days, my husband and I decided that I would stay with our son. I felt that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't complete the mission given to me.
Holding my son, who frequently suffered from amoebic dysentery and allergies due to bad water, I told him,
"My son, let’s live our best lives together. Let’s finish what Mommy has to do here and then go to where Daddy is waiting. Until then, let’s live happily."
The day finally came when my husband had to leave. After putting our crying son to sleep, my husband and I held hands and prayed. We promised that this would be our last separation and that we would always live together from now on. Encouraging each other to bravely overcome the tough times, we shared a tight hug, and my husband left for the airport alone.
By now, my husband and I had grown quite accustomed
to our third farewell.
Interestingly, both our daughter and son separated from their father when they were around three months old.
I never knew it would be so difficult for a family to live together.
It’s normal for a couple to get married, have children, and live together, but in my case, our family had to be apart or together to complete the mission given to me.
The consolation was that there were people who helped us during our toughest times, allowing us to overcome.
Our family found out about our situation, and my father decided that my 76-year-old grandmother should come and stay with me since my situation was tough.
My grandmother also agreed.
“My dear, I will come with your grandmother and bring your daughter. Just hang in there a little longer,” my father said over the phone.
He was bringing my grandmother, who could help me with my daily commute to the hospital with my young son. My father also promised to bring my 1-year-3-month-old daughter, whom I had longed to see.
Despite my husband’s absence, my family of three would now live together with my grandmother.
To meet my family arriving in the evening, I borrowed a missionary's van and went to the airport. My grown-up daughter toddled out.
The moment I saw my father and grandmother, I couldn’t stop crying.
I was so grateful.
I felt incredibly sorry and thankful to my father, who took a long flight with my grandmother and young granddaughter to help me with all the hardships my mischievous daughter had gone through.
After living apart for a year, my 1-year-3-month-old daughter didn’t recognize me and cried momentarily as many strangers greeted her. Suddenly, she saw a male missionary and called him “Daddy.” The missionary, taken aback, teared up and said, “Oh, I’m not your daddy. You’ll see him soon.” My heart ached so much. It pained me to put my two children through such situations.
My father was also deeply hurt and cried every day until his departure for Korea. He felt heartbroken seeing his daughter working in a dangerous place without her husband and urged me to leave everything and return to Korea. Although I couldn't leave, I understood my father's love for me, and my heart ached, leading to more tears.
During that time, neither my husband nor I could decide based on what was comfortable for us. No one else could step in to help with our decisions.
We couldn’t avoid the path we had to take with our decisions, nor could we ignore it.
The only thing we could do as a couple was
to accept and acknowledge the situation and do our best to live through the 24 hours given to us each day.
