Why Fish Don’t Exist
Working in financial markets and start-ups, I’ve lived through volatility and chaos — but those are also the places where I’ve felt most driven to find answers. I’m used to defining problems, solving them, and clearing a path forward.
So when I face chaos that I can’t control or take full ownership of, I struggle. It feels futile and frustrating — like it chips away at my sense of efficacy.
But reading about Lulu Miller’s journey to uncover the life of David Starr Jordan reminded me that this urgency to “fix” everything might need to change. Maybe the point isn’t always to control the chaos, but to learn to live with it.
This realization mirrors Lulu’s own. At first, she admired David for his grit and unshakable will. But soon she discovered the darker side of his conviction — his prejudice and blind belief in eugenics.
It’s easy to relate to her initial admiration. Many of us also long to be confident about our direction in life — to move forward without hesitation or doubt. David’s calmness in chaos and his consistency in work can feel inspiring, especially when we’re trying to find our own path.
But this story reminded me that self-esteem can sometimes turn into self-delusion if we avoid facing our weaknesses honestly. Modern culture often tells us to “stay positive” and “never give up.” Yet unchecked confidence can blur humility, making us defensive, arrogant, or blind to our own biases — just like David.
For me, it was comforting to realize that not knowing exactly where we’re going is okay. Sometimes, clarity itself can be an illusion. Maybe our paths are meant to be winding — and that’s where real growth happens.
It’s okay to be uncertain. The journey itself is what defines us.