Deep Water
Peter's fear
2학기부터 대구가톨릭대학 교목처 성당에서 매월 첫째, 셋째 목요일 오후 12시 영어미사를 맡게 되었다. 외국인들 뿐만 아니라 재학생 누구라도 참여할 수 있는 미사를 위해 준비한 강론을 나눈다.
In Daegu Catholic University, I have been called to be a fisher of men as a chaplain of Francisco College. But I have done many things without any results like the disciples working hard all night and have caught nothing. It might be a time for me to realize that I can’t do what the Lord asks me to do and won’t be what the Lord asks me to be.
However, Jesus asks me instead, “Put out into deep water,” which is terrifying because I am afraid of water. A black water in the sea always haunts me. Deep water also means my fear of being rejected, unwanted, unrecognized and failed. Besides, my own wound, sin, trauma force me to admit that I am not good enough. Deep water always prevails over me.
Nevertheless, because of the Master who insists that I must go into deep water, I reluctantly make one step out of my comfort zone, trying to change my way of thinking, my way of things to do. I throw myself into deep water, closing my eyes and entrusting myself into the Lord.
What an amazing result after just one action! It is beyond my understanding to grasp. I am just overwhelmed by what I see. A big catch!
So I fall at the knees of the Lord, saying “Depart from me, O Lord! For I am a sinful man.”
Who of us here would not be the same like Peter who trembles before the Good Himself? I am too sinful to be called and yet the Lord, standing in front of me, says, “Follow me! I will make you a fisher of men.”
In the university, I am the same, feeling unprepared and inadequate. Nevertheless, the Lord once again calls me to put out into deep water as I begin a new semester.
O Lord, I am not worthy to be your instrument. I know my fear of deep water that is not only many duties but also meeting students, teaching and sharing myself with them.
But I trust that life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Actually I am adventurous!
One thing I would like to do first is leaving things that I don’t need one by one and following you all the way. At least to the end of this semester! Amen!
