Real Resurrection
Decision to live
In the early morning on April 5 I saw a Kakatok message sent to me by a woman at 4 am. The message was simple and shocking that a man whom I baptized died of a car accident in the middle of the night.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I and he with his family went out to have a dinner together and talked about an upcoming marathon that we were planning to run together. He was my running partner and a good friend.
He had his own story. His marriage was unstable for a while and it ended up with divorce. His wife with only son moved to a parish area where I was a pastor. Later the whole family started attending the parish and he became a Catholic with his son. I blessed his remarriage to the woman whom he divorced. After that he changed completely and worked hard to be a good husband, a caring father and a devout Catholic.
Just with one message, I felt my heart breaking down and my body aching. After praying for him in the funeral home with the family, I tested Covid-19 positive and started isolation. The death of a friend, a lockdown, sadness and mental and physical breakdown all came upon me at once. It was obvious that I was never be able to see him again and he disappeared in the world. It was an emotional and social death that I experienced during the isolation.
What is the resurrection? It is not a good feeling or a friendly atmosphere. It is certainly not a story of others. If Jesus was raised from death and the society freed from the pandemic, the resurrection should be my story as well. If I am not resurrected, what Jesus’ resurrection means anyway?
However, the resurection is not something just for granted. I have been tempted to stay in sadness and not to go out from the tomb that made me gloomy, pessimistic and hopeless. I could stay in the tomb as long as I wanted, blaming God and making excuses. Nevertheless, the Lord's resurrection has raised me up again.
The resurrection is a decision to live. I do not want to give up to death, rather I want to face and see it through. I do want to come out of the tomb and tell the people that “I shall not die but live and declare the deeds of the Lord” (Ps 118,17).
The man died lives in my memory. As long as he is with me in a different form, he does not die and I am able to say that he is alive.
I have decided to live, not to waste my life in vain which is the real resurrection to me, that is, the decision to live fully.
