What is your first concern
in buying a car?
Today’s Topic
What is your first concern in buying a car? (design, price, make, fuel efficiency, color, etc)
1. 내가 쓴 글
My first concern in buying a car is the color. I like color red, but I don't buy a red car because it is so noticeable. Anyway, I don't like driving a car so this topic is boring. I like walking. When I had to take care of my children, I had to drive a car. But now they are all grown up and I don't have many things to do in a hurry. Besides, after my husband retired, my car was only in the parking lot. Why? We do many things together after his retirement. My car is often broken because I don't drive for a long time. So we sell it. Mostly on my appointments I walk. Only when I play golf at the women's circle, I drive the car. I enjoy walking. When I walk I feel free with my hands, eyes, and feet. How beautiful it is in the world. I enjoy looking at all of the things around me. I look up to the sky and I feel the wind and I can go anywhere I want to see. I am happy when I think where will I walk to the next appointment.
2. 첨삭되어 온 글
My first concern in buying a car is the color. I like (the) color red, but I don't (want to) buy a red car because it is so noticeable. Anyway, I don't like driving a car so this topic is boring.
I like walking. When I had to take care of my children, I had to drive a car. But now they are all grown up and I don't have many things to do in a hurry. Besides, after my husband retired, my car was only in the parking lot.(BETTER: My car was often stuck in the parking lot.)Why? We do many things together after his retirement. My car is often broken because I don't drive (haven't driven it) for a long time. So we sell (sold) it. Mostly on my appointments(,) I walk. Only when I play golf at the women's circle, I drive the car. I enjoy walking. When I walk I feel free with my hands, eyes, and feet.(BETTER: My whole body feels free when I walk.) How beautiful it is in the world. I enjoy looking at all of the things around me(BETTER: my surroundings). I look up to the sky and I feel the wind and I can go anywhere I want to see. I am happy when I think where will I walk to the next appointment.
3. 내가 기억해야될 것들
1) 관사를 잊지마라.
I like the color red, but I don't want to buy a red car because it is so noticeable.
2) 뜻을 잘 생각하여 쓰자. 그냥 사지않는다 보다는 원치않는다가 여기선 더 맞다.
I like the color red, but I don't want to buy a red car because it is so noticeable.
3) 주차장에 꼼짝않고 있었다를 요케 쓰는구나.
Besides, after my husband retired, my car was often stuck in the parking lot.
stuck: 갇힌, 막힌, 꼼짝않는.
4) 오랫동안 운전을 안하니까~ 에선 완료형을 써야하는구나.
My car is often broken because I haven't driven it for a long time.
5) 시제! 언제나 중요하다.
So we sold it.
6) 콤마의 중요성.
Mostly on my appointments(,) I walk.
7) 복잡하게 쓰지말고 간단하게!
My whole body feels free when I walk.
8) 짧게 쓰도록 항상 노력하자.
I enjoy looking at my surroundings.
4. 딸려온 특별 멘트
Hopefully, you are doing well right now. We appreciate your effort in writing this entry. We believe you are improving by degrees, so just consider some of the suggestions here. Keep writing! ^^
넵! 계속 열심히 쓰겠습니다!
entry 입장, 출입할 수 있는 권리
by degrees 서서히, 점차.
consider 생각하다
consider suggestions 건의를 고려하다
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