What kind of person
do you want to be?
Today’s Topic
What kind of person do you want to be?
1. 내가 쓴 글
I want to be a person like Maria who is the actress in the movie "The Sound of Music." When I was 6th grade of elementary school, I went to the theater with my elder brother to see the movie "The Sound of Music." I was impressed so much with that movie. Especially Maria made me so impressed. What I like the most about that movie is as follows: Maria is going to the house of Captain who has seven children. She is very shy and doesn't have the braveness to open that so much big house. At that time she tries many ways to make the courage to her mind by singing the song "Confidence." She cries out "I have confidence in me!!!" so much time. But she comes to the door then she doesn't have courage again. So she goes out to the street and sings "I have confidence in me!' again until she has a brave mind. Finally, she entered that house after repeating that song many times. She makes that gloomy house with an absented mother to be happy and very bright. How wonderful the capacity of women is at home.
2. 첨삭되어 온 글
I want to be a person like Maria who is the actress in the movie(,) "The Sound of Music." When I was (in) 6th grade of (in) elementary school, I went to the theater with my elder brother to see the(that) movie "The Sound of Music."(X) I was impressed so much(X) with that movie (so much). Especially(,) Maria made me so impressed (with her character). What I like the most about that movie is as follows: Maria is going to the house of Captain who has seven children. She is very shy and doesn't have the braveness to open that so much big house. At that time(,) she tries many ways to make the courage to her mind by singing the song "Confidence." She cries out(,) "I have (the ) confidence in me!!!" so much time(X). But she comes to the door then she doesn't have courage again. So she goes out to the street and sings(,) "I have confidence in me!' again until she has a brave mind. Finally, she entered that house after repeating that song many times. She makes that gloomy house with an absented mot(X) her to be happy and very bright (because of the absence of a mother). How wonderful the capacity of women is at home.
3. 내가 기억해야 할 것들
ㄱ. 콤마 사용할 곳엔 꼭 쓰자.
I want to be a person like Maria who is the actress in the movie(,) "The Sound of Music."
At that time(,) she tries many ways to make the courage to her mind by singing the song "Confidence." She cries out(,) "I have the confidence in me!!!" so much.
Especially(,) Maria made me so impressed with her character.
So she goes out to the street and sings(,) "I have confidence in me!' again until she has a brave mind.
ㄴ. 초등학교 6학년 때엔 in을 쓴다.
When I was in 6th grade in elementary school,
ㄷ. 한 번 나왔던 것은 the가 아니라 that을 쓰고 제목을 반복할 필요가 없다.
I went to the theater with my elder brother to see that movie.
ㄹ. so much는 문장 맨 끝에. 학창 시절 장방시로 배운 것 같은데 장소 방법 시기. 방법이니까 맨 끝에. 푸하하하 내식으로 외우 잣.
I was impressed with that movie so much.
ㅁ. 그녀 성격이 감동적이었다니까 성격을 붙이자.
Especially, Maria made me so impressed with her character.
ㅂ. confidence 앞에 the!
She cries out, "I have the confidence in me!!!" so much.
ㅅ. so much 면 충분하다.
She cries out, "I have the confidence in me!!!" so much.
ㅇ. 엄마의 부재로 우울한 집을.... 하면 집에 붙여 써야 할 것 같은데 일단 문장을 다 쓰고 끝에 쓰는가 보다. 이것도 장방시? 일종의 방법이니까 끝에?
She makes that gloomy house to be happy and very bright because of the absence of a mother.
4. 첨삭받은 대로 고쳐 쓴 글
I want to be a person like Maria who is the actress in the movie, "The Sound of Music." When I was in 6th grade in elementary school, I went to the theater with my elder brother to see that movie I was impressed with that movie so much. Especially(,) Maria made me so impressed with her character. What I like the most about that movie is as follows: Maria is going to the house of Captain who has seven children. She is very shy and doesn't have the braveness to open that so much big house. At that time(,) she tries many ways to make the courage to her mind by singing the song "Confidence." She cries out(,) "I have (the ) confidence in me!!!" so much. But she comes to the door then she doesn't have courage again. So she goes out to the street and sings(,) "I have confidence in me!' again until she has a brave mind. Finally, she entered that house after repeating that song many times. She makes that gloomy house her to be happy and very bright because of the absence of a mother. How wonderful the capacity of women is at home.
5. 그리고 딸려온 특별 멘트
Hey there. We appreciate your effort in writing something for today.
You displayed your English proficiency through this writing. There may be some inaccuracies, especially in terms of spelling and word choice. We know that some words are a bit confusing because they are used in different ways. This is all part of your learning.
Don't give up! We hope to read your next essay. :)
하핫. 나의 다음 글을 기대한다고라. 넵!!! 푸하하하
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