Tell me one thing that

you can do everyday to stay healthy.

Today’s Topic

Tell me one thing that you can do everyday to stay healthy.

1. 내가 쓴 글

I will tell you one thing that I can do every day to stay healthy. There is a good walk road near my home. Let me tell you how near it is! I live on the 19th floor so I take an elevator to the first floor and turn to the left, then I can see the road lead me to the lake park. I climb a very small mountain from my home then we can arrive at the lake park very famous. It was a hidden place forbidden to be entered. There were so many warns such as No entrance! Do not enter! like that. It's covered with old wood panel and iron thorn. It was a very scary place. We were so afraid to go around there. However, someone in the government ordered it to be opened. So there were so many years of construction. Finally, it was opened as a beautiful lake park with a good walk road. How beautiful it is. Whenever it becomes 4:oo p.m. my husband and I stand up on its own and went out and walk. How wonderful it is! Walking along the lake is one thing that I do everyday.

2. 첨삭되어 온 글

I will tell you one thing that I can do every day to stay healthy. There is a good walk road (walking path) near my home. Let me tell you how near it is!

I live on the 19th floor(,) so I take an elevator to the first floor and (when I go out, I) turn to the left, then I can see the road lead me (that leads me) to the lake park. I climb a very small mountain (OR: hill) from my home(,) then we (I) can arrive at the (very famous) lake park very famous(X). It was a hidden place forbidden to be entered (and restricted area). There were so many warns (warning signs) such as (") No entrance! Do not enter!(", something) like that. It's covered with (an) old wood(en) panel and iron thorn (barbwires). It was a very scary place. We were so afraid to go around(X) there.

However, someone in the government ordered it to be opened. So there were so many years of construction (that took place). Finally, it was opened as a beautiful lake park with a good walk road (path). How beautiful it is (OR: It is so lovely). Whenever it becomes (turns) 4:oo p.m.(,) my husband and I stand up on its own and went (go) out and walk (there). How wonderful it is (to take a stroll there)! Walking along the lake is one thing that I do everyday (every day).

3. 내가 기억해야 될 것들

1) 산책로는 워킹 패스. 오케이.

There is a good walk road (walking path) near my home.

2) 함부로 생략하지 말지어다.

I live on the 19th floor, so I take an elevator to the first floor and (when I go out, I) turn to the left, then I can see the road that leads me to the lake park.

3) 관계대명사 생략 마라.

I live on the 19th floor, so I take an elevator to the first floor and when I go out, I turn to the left, then I can see the road lead me (that leads me) to the lake park.

4) 작은 동산은 마운틴이 아니라 힐

I climb a very small mountain (OR: hill) from my home, then I can arrive at the very famous lake park.

5) then 앞에 콤마

I climb a very small hill from my home(,) then I can arrive at the very famous lake park.

6) 남편과 함께라고 생각해 We라고 했지만 설명 없이 뜬금없이 We를 쓰면 안 된다.

I climb a very small hill from my home, then we (I) can arrive at the very famous lake park.

7) 형용사는 앞에서 꾸며줘야지.

I climb a very small hill from my home, then I can arrive at the (very famous) lake park very famous(X).

8) 아하 들어갈 수 없는 숨겨진 곳. 요렇게 간단하게. 하하 restricted area 기억하자.

It was a hidden place forbidden to be entered (and restricted area).

9) 오호 경고는 warning signs

There were so many warns (warning signs) such as (") No entrance! Do not enter!(', something) like that.

10) 따옴표 붙이고 그냥 like that 이 아니라 something like that

There were so many warning signs such as (") No entrance! Do not enter!(", something) like that.

11) 관사 잊지 말 것!

It's covered with (an) old wooden panel and iron barbwires.

12) 형용사를 제대로!

It's covered with an old wood(en) panel and iron barbwires.

13) 가시철사는 barbwires 푸하하하 thorn을 써넣은 나의 창의성이라니.

It's covered with an old wooden panel and iron thorn (barbwires).

14) there 자체가 거기니까 그 근처라는 around를 쓸 필요는 없는가 보다. 훨씬 쌈박하다.

We were so afraid to go around(X) there.

15) 그냥 건축이 아니라 건축이 행해졌다해야 할 테니까. 아하.

So there were so many years of construction (that took place).

16) 산책길은 path

Finally, it was opened as a beautiful lake park with a good walk road (path)

17) 지나치게 감탄하지 말자. 하하

How beautiful it is (OR: It is so lovely).

18) 4시가 되다는 비컴이 아니라 턴!

Whenever it becomes (turns) 4:oo p.m., my husband and I go out and walk there.

19) 콤마를 빠트리지 말자.

Whenever it turns 4:oo p.m.(,) my husband and I go out and walk there.

20) 우린 네시가 되면 자동 빵으로 일어나 나가서 걷는다고 좀 재밌게 쓰려했더니 몽땅 탈락. 하하

Whenever it turns 4:oo p.m., my husband and I stand up on its own and went (go) out and walk there.

21. 그냥 걷는다는 안되고 어디! 가 있어야 하는구나.

Whenever it turns 4:oo p.m., my husband and I go out and walk (there).

22. it을 썼으면 그게 무얼 뜻하는지도 이어서 써주자.

How wonderful it is (to take a stroll there)!

stroll: 산책하다. 거닐다.

23. every day 다. every와 day를 붙여 쓰면 안된다.

Walking along the lake is one thing that I do everyday (every day).

4. 첨삭받은 대로 다시 고쳐 쓴 글

I will tell you one thing that I can do every day to stay healthy. There is a good walking path near my home. Let me tell you how near it is!

I live on the 19th floor, so I take an elevator to the first floor and when I go out, I turn to the left, then I can see the road that leads me to the lake park. I climb a very small hill from my home, then I can arrive at the very famous lake park. It was a hidden and restricted area. There were so many warning signs such as "No entrance! Do not enter!", something like that. It's covered with an old wooden panel and iron barbwires. It was a very scary place. We were so afraid to go there.

However, someone in the government ordered it to be opened. So there were so many years of construction that took place. Finally, it was opened as a beautiful lake park with a good path. It is so lovely. Whenever it turns 4:oo p.m., my husband and I go out and walk there. How wonderful it is to take a stroll there! Walking along the lake is one thing that I do every day.

5. 그리고 딸려온 특별 멘트. 헤헤 내가 좋아하는 거.

Kudos on accomplishing Step 4! You were able to provide good sentences for today's activity. However, we still need to work on organizing the words in sentences and using other proper vocabulary words for certain expressions, and I bet the suggestions we’ve given can help you improve on this. Kindly review the corrections and suggestions given above, and continue to write frequently to achieve awesome results.

넵! 첨삭해주신 것을 잘 기억하고 자주 사용해 익숙해지도록 하겠습니다.

오호 이 말은 처음 본다. 쿠도스? 뒤적뒤적

kudos 특정한 성취에 따르는 영광.

earn kudos 명성을 얻다.

get kudos for.. 에 대해서 칭찬을 받다

그렇게 만들어진 공원에서 항상 첼로를 켜고 있는 닭 아저씨 (사진:꽃뜰)