What is your career goal?
Today’s Topic
What is your career goal?
1. 내가 쓴 글
I want to be a writer. It means that my career goal is a writer. It'll be very difficult to be it, but I will try it until the end of my life. Even if I fail, I don't care, because I think it's more important to do my best than the results. And I know, I won't give up with any many failures. I am not afraid of being a failure at all so that I can do my best until the end of my life. Someone says that it is my character and very attractive. Anyway, I have tried many ways to be it for a long time but I'm still failing. It is my career goal to be a writer. I like reading and writing so that if I were a writer, how wonderful would it be. So I try many ways of doing as follows: I write many articles on SNS. It makes me have good skills to write something. And I read many books. It makes me have many ideas. The result is not important. I only try to be a writer every day. That's all.
2. 첨삭되어 온 글
I want to be a writer. It means that my career goal is a writer. It'll be very difficult to be(OR: achieve) it, but I will try it until the end of my life. Even if I fail, I don't care, (X) because I think it's more important to do my best than the results. And I know, I won't give up with any(X) many failures. I am not afraid of being a failure at all so that I can do my best until the end of my life. Someone says that it is my character(OR: personality) and very attractive. Anyway, I have tried many ways to be(OR: achieve OR: fulfill) it for a long time(,) but I'm still failing. It is my career goal to be a writer. I like reading and writing so that if I were a writer, how wonderful would it be. So I try many ways of doing as follows: I write many articles on SNS. It makes me have good skills to write something. And I read many books. It makes me have many ideas. The result is not important. I only try to be a writer every day. That's all.
3. 내가 기억할 것들
1) It'll be very difficult to be(OR: achieve) it, but I will try it until the end of my life.
맞다. 그냥 be동사보다는 achieve가 낫겠다. 오케이.
2) Even if I fail, I don't care, (X) because I think it's more important to do my best than the results.
because앞에는 콤마를 쓴다고 배운 것 같은데 아닌가? 콤마를 없애랜다. 내참. 그래 다시 기억하자. because 앞에는 콤마 없다!
3) And I know, I won't give up with any(X) many failures.
하핫 그냥 애니 매니... 모 그런 걸 영화 속에서 들은 것 같아서 그대로 써보았더니 틀렸다. 확실히 아는 걸 쓰도록 하자.
4) Someone says that it is my character(OR: personality) and very attractive.
그건 너의 캐릭터야. 이런 말을 종종 쓰니까 그대로 캐릭터라고 썼는데 그보다는 퍼스낼리티가 더 좋은가 보구나.
5) Anyway, I have tried many ways to be(OR: achieve OR: fulfill) it for a long time(,) but I'm still failing.
오호 그냥 비 동사보다는 achieve 나 fulfill을 쓰도록. 오케이.
그리고 but 앞에는 반드시 콤마. 그러니까 because 앞에는 콤마 안 쓰고 but 앞에는 콤마 쓴다.
4. 그리고 특별히 딸려온 멘트
Thank you for completing this task. We hope you are having a great week ahead. You managed to write good details in your essay with almost no errors. It is easy to follow because of the simple vocabulary you used. Anyone who reads your essay will understand your thoughts easily. It was also good that you tried to explain the main idea to the best that you can. Keep up the good work! :)
오홋 그냥 막 기분이 좋아요~ 하하 칭찬을 받으니 고래도 춤을 출 밖에. 넵 계속 열심히 하겠습니다.
5. 첨삭받은 대로 고쳐 쓴 글
I want to be a writer. It means that my career goal is a writer. It'll be very difficult to achieve it, but I will try it until the end of my life. Even if I fail, I don't care because I think it's more important to do my best than the results. And I know, I won't give up with many failures. I am not afraid of being a failure at all so that I can do my best until the end of my life. Someone says that it is my personality and very attractive. Anyway, I have tried many ways to fulfill it for a long time, but I'm still failing. It is my career goal to be a writer. I like reading and writing so that if I were a writer, how wonderful would it be. So I try many ways of doing as follows: I write many articles on SNS. It makes me have good skills to write something. And I read many books. It makes me have many ideas. The result is not important. I only try to be a writer every day. That's all.
(사진:시애틀의사진잘찍는아이)