how would you spend that time?
If you had an unlimited leisur time,
Today’s Topic
If you had an unlimited amount of leisure time, how would you spend that time, and with whom?
1. 내가 쓴 글
If I had an unlimited amount of leisure time, I would spend that time playing golf in Thai with my husband. I had been in there only for playing golf. It was fantastic to play golf only in Thai. At first, it was very cheap. We woke up very early in the morning such as 5 o'clock to prepare to play golf. We went to the restaurant to have breakfast and gathered all members of that hotel usually more than 100 peoples in front of the golf course. We started playing along with the shotgun method. The people who scattered in each hole started playing as soon as the gun fired. When we finished 18 holes, there was good food in the restaurant. We ate a very delicious lunch altogether. And we went out to play golf again for 18 holes. When we finished 18 holes, there were prepared a very delicious dinner in the restaurant. How delicious the dinner was. When we returned to the hotel, we put the clothes, which we had worn during the play, in front of the door with the vinyl pack. The day after we received very clean washed clothes. How wonderful it was.
2. 첨삭되어 온 글
If I had an unlimited amount of leisure time, I would spend that time playing golf in Thai(Thailand) with my husband. I had been in(X) there only for playing(to play) golf. It was fantastic to play golf only in Thai(Thailand). At first, it was very cheap. We woke up very early in the morning such as 5 o'clock to prepare to play golf. We went to the restaurant to have breakfast and gathered all members of that hotel usually more than 100 peoples(people) in front of the golf course. We started playing along with the shotgun method. The people who scattered in each hole started playing as soon as the gun fired. When we finished 18 holes, there was good food in the restaurant. We ate a very delicious lunch altogether. And we went out to play golf again for 18 holes. When we finished 18 holes, there were(X) prepared a very delicious dinner in the restaurant. How delicious the dinner was. When we returned to the hotel, we put(BETTER: wore) the clothes, which we had worn during the play in front of the door with the vinyl pack. The day after(,) we received very clean(cleanly) washed clothes. How wonderful it was.
3. 내가 기억해야 할 것들
1) If I had an unlimited amount of leisure time, I would spend that time playing golf in Thai(Thailand) with my husband.
Thai 가 아니라 Thailand라고 써야 하는구나.
2) I had been in(X) there only for playing(to play) golf.
I had been there. 여기에 전치사가 따로 필요하지 않다. there는 그거 하나로 족하다.
공치러 가는 거니까 to play golf 가 맞다.
3) It was fantastic to play golf only in Thai(Thailand)
Thai 가 아니라 Thailand라고 쓰자.
4) We went to the restaurant to have breakfast and gathered all members of that hotel usually more than 100 peoples(people) in front of the golf course.
peoples라고는 없다. 이미 이 단어 자체가 복수에 쓰는 거다. people라고 쓰면 된다. 기억하자.
5) When we finished 18 holes, there were(X) prepared a very delicious dinner in the restaurant.
거기에 준비가 되어있었다니까 수동태일 필요가 없다. 아니 거기에 준비되었다 하면 수동태가 맞는 것 같은데 거기서 준비했다가 되는데 이렇게 쓰면? 아이고 모르겠다. 왜 여기 수동태가 아니어야 할까?
6) When we returned to the hotel, we put(BETTER: wore) the clothes, which we had worn during the play, in front of the door with the vinyl pack.
앗. 이 첨삭도 이상하다. 호텔에 돌아오면 운동하는 동안 입었던 옷을 비닐팩에 넣어 문 앞에 두었다고 쓴 건데 왜 여기 put이 아닌 wore가 되어야 할까? 이상하네.
7) The day after(,) we received very clean(cleanly) washed clothes.
콤마 쓰는 걸 잊지 말자.
아하 clean washed 가 아니라 cleanly washed 그렇지. 부사니까.
4. 첨삭받은 대로 고쳐 쓴 글
If I had an unlimited amount of leisure time, I would spend that time playing golf in Thailand with my husband. I had been there only to play golf. It was fantastic to play golf only in Thailand. At first, it was very cheap. We woke up very early in the morning such as 5 o'clock to prepare to play golf. We went to the restaurant to have breakfast and gathered all members of that hotel usually more than 100 people in front of the golf course. We started playing along with the shotgun method. The people who scattered in each hole started playing as soon as the gun fired. When we finished 18 holes, there was good food in the restaurant. We ate a very delicious lunch altogether. And we went out to play golf again for 18 holes. When we finished 18 holes, there prepared a very delicious dinner in the restaurant. How delicious the dinner was. When we returned to the hotel, we put the clothes, which we had worn during the play, in front of the door with the vinyl pack. The day after, we received very cleanly washed clothes. How wonderful it was.
5. 그리고 딸려온 특별 멘트
Thank you for completing the writing activity. Your topic is interesting to read, and your writing delivered the main idea clearly. You may try to double check minimal errors. We'd like to read your next essay soon! Have a great day! ^^
작은 실수도 하지 않도록 조심하자. 파이팅!
(사진:꽃뜰)
