Which do you prefer

playing a sport watching it on TV or ...

Today’s Topic

Which do you prefer, playing a sport, watching it on TV or watching it "live"? State your reasons.

1. 내가 쓴 글

I prefer watching it 'live'. One of my husband's friends was a VIP member of the pro football team. He invited us to the competition in the complex with so many audiences. We were invited as a friend of VIP so we had a special room and we watched it live. It's so interesting as if I am one of the pro soccer team players. It's very small to see the players but I can feel very vivid the atmosphere of that ground. When we won the other team we clapped so much and victory and delighted altogether. It's only on the real ground. We can deliver our happiness together. And when we were declined we were so disappointed. Even though we were defeated we were happy to feel vivid sadness also. How wonderful it is to feel as I play with them together. Therefore I prefer watching the spot 'live'. It made me happy to yell altogether when we had victory. I can feel the same with the team players. I can feel the wind in the complexes. I couldn't feel it on TV. For the more, I can see the person who is not important at all.

2. 첨삭되어 온 글

I prefer watching it 'live'. One of my husband's friends was a VIP member of the(a) professional soccer team. He invited us to the competition in the complex with so many audiences (a large audience). We were invited as a friend of (a) VIP so we had a special room and we watched it live. It's (It was) so interesting as if I am (because I felt like I was) one of the pro soccer team players. It's very small to see the players (The players looked small from afar,) but I can feel very vivid (vividly) the atmosphere of that ground.

When we won (defeated) the other team(,) we clapped so much and (much, celebrated the) victory and (felt) delighted altogether (together). It's only on the real ground. We can deliver (by being in the field that we can express) our happiness together. And when we were declined (When we were losing,) we were so disappointed.

Even though we were defeated(,) we were happy to feel vivid sadness also (sadness to). How wonderful it is to feel as I play with them together (if I'm playing with them). Therefore(,) I prefer watching the sport (a sport game) 'live'. It made me happy to yell altogether(OR cheer) when we had victory (were victorious). I can feel the same with the team players. I can feel the wind in the complexes. I couldn't feel it (It's something I can't feel when watching it) on TV. For the more (Furthermore), I can see the person who is (notice people who are) not important at all.

3. 내가 기억해야 될 것들

1) I prefer watching it 'live'. One of my husband's friends was a VIP member of the(a) professional soccer team.

이럴 땐 the가 아니라 a 임을 기억하자.

a professional soccer team

2) He invited us to the competition in the complex with so many audiences (a large audience).

아하 a large audience

3) We were invited as a friend of (a) VIP so we had a special room and we watched it live.

a를 빼놓지 말자.

4) It's (It was) so interesting as if I am (because I felt like I was) one of the pro soccer team players.

기억하자. It's는 It is의 줄임말이니 It was는 그대로 써주어야 한다.

부드럽게 진행되는 문장의 흐름을 잘 익히자.

It was so interesting because I felt like I was one of the pro soccer team players.

5) It's very small to see the players (The players looked small from afar,) but I can feel very vivid (vividly) the atmosphere of that ground.

사람들이 아주 작게 보인다를 이렇게. 아하. 내가 쓴 건 너무 촌스럽구나 하하.

The players looked small from afar,

그렇지 부사를 써주어야지. 생생하게 느꼈다니까.

I can feel very vividly the atmosphere of that ground.

6) When we won (defeated) the other team(,) we clapped so much and (much, celebrated the) victory and (felt) delighted altogether (together).

시합에 이기다를 won을 쓰는 게 아니라 상대방을 패배시켰다 defeated를 써야 하는구나.

we defeated the other team,

박수를 쳤고 승리를 축하했고 함께 기쁨을 느꼈다를 그냥 무턱대고 단어 하나에 승리 기쁨 그런 식으로 해선 안되는구나. 제대로 문장을 써줘야 하는구나.

we clapped so much, celebrated the victory and felt delighted together.

7) It's only on the real ground. We can deliver (by being in the field that we can express) our happiness together.

아하 훨씬 세련된 표현. 이렇게 멋진 표현이 되는구나.

It's only by being in the field that we can express our happiness together.

8) And when we were declined (When we were losing,) we were so disappointed.

우리가 지고 있을 때는 요렇게 표현하는구나.

When we were losing,

9) Even though we were defeated(,) we were happy to feel vivid sadness also (sadness too).

Even though 문장 뒤에 콤마 쓸 것.

we were happy to feel sadness too.

10) How wonderful it is to feel as I play with them together (if I'm playing with them).

매끄러운 문장을 기억하자.

How wonderful it is to feel as if I'm playing with them.

11) Therefore(,) I prefer watching the sport (a sport game) 'live'.

Therefore 다음에 콤마 쓰는 거 기억하자.

그냥 게임이니까 부정관사 a를 붙여야 한다. 그리고 게임까지 붙여주자.

I prefer watching a sport game 'live'.

12) It made me happy to yell altogether(OR cheer) when we had victory (were victorious).

응원하다 yell cheer로 쓰고.

cheer: 환호 응원

승리했을 때는

were victorious

It made me happy to yell cheer when we were victorious.

13) I couldn't feel it (It's something I can't feel when watching it) on TV.

오호 세련된 표현

It's something I can't feel when watching it on TV.

14) For the more (Furthermore), I can see the person who is (notice people who are) not important at all.

Furthermore 단어 기억하자.

I can notice people who are not important at all.

그렇지 여러 사람은 peopled을 써야지. 오케이.

4. 첨삭받은 대로 고쳐서 다시 쓴 글

I prefer watching it 'live'. One of my husband's friends was a VIP member of a professional soccer team. He invited us to the competition in the complex with a large audience. We were invited as a friend of a VIP so we had a special room and we watched it live. It was so interesting because I felt like I was one of the pro soccer team players. The players looked small from afar, but I can feel very vividly the atmosphere of that ground.

When we defeated the other team, we clapped so much, celebrated the victory and felt delighted together. It's only by being in the field that we can express our happiness together. When we were losing, we were so disappointed.

Even though we were defeated, we were happy to feel sadness to. How wonderful it is to feel as if I'm playing with them. Therefore, I prefer watching a sport game 'live'. It made me happy to yell cheer when we were victorious. I can feel the same with the team players. I can feel the wind in the complexes. It's something I can't feel when watching it on TV. Furthermore, I can notice people who are not important at all.

5. 그리고 딸려온 특별 멘트

Thank you for completing Step 4, Hye Yeong! Reading your essay made me feel excited too! Here's a quick tip:

Audience already means a group of people who gather together to listen to something (such as a concert) or watch something (such as a movie or play). Hence, instead of saying "many audiences", I used "large audience". I hope this is helpful. Keep writing and have a lovely weekend! :)

아하. large audience로 쓰도록. 오케이.

(사진:꽃뜰)