팔자 or 운명
And the tragedy in Itaewon
There’s this Korean word, 팔자, pal-ja, which is translated to, by the definition, "destiny, fate, or fortune." But we also have another Korean word for them, 운명, woon-myung.
I’ve always thought and told people around me that I’m not a big fan of 운명, or destiny, but I do believe 팔자. I don’t see ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ are not proper words for 팔자, but when asked what’s the difference between the two, I hadn’t been able to give a clear answer. My answer has always been fuzzy, like, “hard to tell but, still, it’s different.” They shrugged, implying "you see?"
Such peculiar belief, which none of my friends quite buys, has something to do with my father who joined Vietnam War, my mother’s early passing, and, to some extent, my curious trait. Come to think of it, my father was not a Rambo-like super warrior, he must have been mere an average soldier, but somehow he managed to survive while many others couldn’t. Why? What made the difference? Further, looking around, a surprisingly huge number of people die everyday. Many die from long illness or at least reasonable causes, but still many die out of blue with unfathomable accidents. Why?
Couple days ago, more than 150 young people died in Itaewon, Seoul, Korea. When I first heard the news, I thought it happened at a club. But the number kept growing and I found that they died on the street. On the street?? I'd never ever possibly imagined people die on the street in Seoul just because of overcrowd. There have been a wide range of accidents, from a bridge or a huge department store building collapsing to a ship sinking and battles with N.Korea. However, such stampede? It never ever happened before, at least in Korea.
Who could possibly imagine a sudden death, in Seoul, one of the safest cities in the world, in costumes, enjoying Halloween, on the street? And, why them? Not someone else? Why there? Not somewhere else? It was absurd, maybe too absurd. Thoughts on life and death hit me hard, again, and I couldn’t shake them off for days. That’s when my odd belief — “I don’t buy ‘운명', destiny, but ‘팔자'” — silently reemerged on my mind.
I contemplated over and over again: “Why them, not someone else?” “Why, on the street, not somewhere else?” “Why on that day?” That’s so absurd, too absurd. Then I couldn’t help but thinking that it’s just nothing but their ‘팔자.’ There’s no other way to fathom of it. And it leads me to finding a clue of the difference between to believe in ‘운명', destiny, and to believe in ‘팔자'.
My father managed to survive in the deep jungle, not because he was extraordinarily nimble and fast but because it was his 팔자. It would be 팔자 if a 15-year-old kid died from hitting by the car driven by a driver fell asleep. That didn't happen because the kid did something wrong. Sometimes people even die from lightning. It's just so absurd, and the things happen all the time.
What I've come to realize is to believe in ‘팔자' is an act of embracing, admitting, or accepting all the absurdities the world brings to you, and to the others. It's a realization that to me, to you, and to all of us could anything happen. No matter how much unfathomable it possible could, you don’t deny it or push it back; don’t loathe, blame or be jealous of someone else who are not going through; or don’t be sorry for not going through for yourself; but humbly embrace it, thinking that that is life and that life is absurd — again, anything could happen to anyone at any moment.
And my thoughts have extended all the way to what’s happening in Ukraine. “Why them?” “Why the heck that country, not some other?” “What did they do so wrong? Nothing.” It just happened and that’s life. It’s just that anything could happen to anyone at any moment.
Therefore, we need to cherish ‘peace’ we are enjoying; love and forgive each other because at any moment they could leave us; feel fortunate and be grateful for not being hungry and shivering under terrors; have compassion for others, not only the people you know but you don’t, going through terrible hardships because it could’ve been you otherwise and it could still be you at any moment.
All these things come down to a certain mindset: being humble before life and taking nothing for granted. Maybe it sounds a bit philosophical or religious. But this is where my thoughts have reached — to embrace what is happening since life is absurd and anything could happen. I believe that it, somehow, has something to do with ‘humanity.’ It’s not something very noble or exist somewhere else. Having humanity is not shrugging off about what is happening on the other side of the globe, but just seeing it as if it’d be happening to you, your friends and families, because, at the end of the day, it could’ve been you and it could still be you at any moment.
However, I’m not saying that telling those going through hard time, “Bro, it’s just life, just suck it up.” We all know that’s not a right way to treat others. But, no matter you like or not, that’s life — the time and space where a stream of ups and downs randomly occurs. You might want to say, “Wait, still, are you saying to those suffering that simply that’s life? Isn’t it too harsh?” No, I don’t think it’s a harsh or cold remark, as long as you believe that anything could also happen to you. To believe that “that’s life” is far from belittling someone or degrading a meaning of life. The very belief makes you humble before life, grateful for every little things life offers, and have compassion for others.
I think we all need to learn that, ‘팔자', probably suffering seems to be the only way to innate it though. Once we learn it, we may finally be able to manage to be calm a little before tragedies as we already know it’s just a part of a stream of ups and downs and it shall pass. But still, even so, I can’t believe such tragedy happened and every time I imagine all the pains and terrors the victims may have gone through, and all the deepest sorrows and sense of emptiness their friends and families are going through right now, it’s just so harsh and heartbreaking, even though I see it as ‘팔자'.
ps.
I'm sorry for the terrible English writing. I couldn't shake off what happened in Itaewon and probably needed to let it out in any form. I don't know why but when I realized, I was writing it in English.
