[편지] Accumulation

To Anni

Hi Anni. Long time no see. We haven't talked to each other for such a long time. So I know nothing about what's happening around you there. How are you. How's everyting going there?

I was thinking about going Germany and Scotland, but things happened, and I had to change my plan. So now I'm just in Calgary. One of my friends who was supposed to come here suddenly canceled her flight ticket. Her grandmother had diagnosed Alzheimer. 

But the other friend will come in Aug. So I'll quit my job at the end of July. Yes, I've been working the vegan cafe  almost for more than one and a half years so far. Now I'm totally sick of working here. 

Still I have around 6 months left to get the PR. It is a long journey. Nobody could enjoy this kind of a ceaseless wait. 

It was so busy in the cafe today, now I'm exhausted.  Do you remember a Kawa cafe? We came here together once. There has been a Jazz performance just before. It was packed, but now all gone. I ordered Americano. I changed my coffee to Americano nowadays. I don't have Latte anymore. I don't know, my appetite just changed. I don't like Latte anymore. At least I changed coffee haha. 

And I still read books. I found a really nice secondhand bookshop here. I should have brought you there when you were here. You know what, now I know some places worthwhile to go. Everybody's saying that Calgary is a boring city, but for myself who's very boring, Calgary has still lots of hidden corners.

There was not a big change, but just small things kept happening. 

I hadn't made a friend who I really wanna be close to since I have moved to Calgary. Recently, I found one. Her name means 'Be shiny' in Korean. She is a Korean, and she is really shiny. It's been my big pleasure to have a beer with her after work. I like her personality. Very different from me. Very brave. not serious. too honesty. not judgemental at all. You would like her too. 

I read a book. It is a Korean book, called ' Sadness to study sadness.' I'm quite sure my translation is shit. The author is my favorite literature critic. The book is about 'Sadness'. 

Because we have only one heart, which is beating only for my own being. we know our sadness, but we never know other's sadness. That's why, since we are doomed not to feel other's sadness, we have to at least try to understand their sadness, even if it ends up a failure . If I felt like the world is full of violence, it could mean that we 're never trying to feel other's sadness.  

He's talking about sadness in movies, novels, poems, and politics. I wanna be a human being like him. I'm in his sentences nowadays. I'm looking at the world like the way he does nowdays. I'm watching movies that he mentioned, reading books that he likes.

Jay said he's embarassed whenver I found someone I like too much, because he thinks it's too much. I think he's too less.  

Everybody's talking about their own lifestyle, their diet, their meditation, their trips, including myself. And we all try our best to keep myself clean, healthy, and happy. forever running away from not only our own sadness, but others. But the thing is there are people who're suffering. I don't know who they are. and yet I haven't met my own in my life. They are coming, at least I know that.

Caffeine is amazing. I'm now awaken. 

One day, Anni, I'll go back to South Korea, and work with full of books there. Till then, I will accumulate books in myself. 

What are you accumulating with you?

It was just say hello to you. 

No news is good news. So I just hope you all good there.

Love you,

Karen.