Naming objects
MAYPAPER Kunah 03
이 매거진은 한국어를 읽지 못하는 저의 아들과 친구들을 위해 발행하는 영어버전의 매거진입니다.
This magazine is an English version publication created for my son and my friends who cannot read Korean.
한국어 버전의 글 : https://brunch.co.kr/@maypaperkunah/25
Mum! You can do so many things, can’t you?
Right! I think so too.
My daughter suddenly nonchalantly asked me a question while I was writing, and for a moment, I started thinking deeply. What am I best at doing? It's a question I've been asking myself countless times over the years, and I still don't have an answer. I just perform the various and infinite roles given to me every day. That’s how it is.
Do you need your mum?
I put on an apron.
I play mum.
Now, I am a mother of children.
When I have to change roles from moment to moment, I apply this simple principle to myself: 'You are a mother now.' And I give myself the name “Mum”, recognise myself as one, and take on the role. Then, I can easily become immersed in it and feel that I am treating my child with a more affectionate, more loving, and more sincere motherly heart.
Putting on an apron is my own commitment to take on the role in earnest, and it is like a ritual for an instant transformation. However, there is no decision yet on what clothes to wear for other roles. That may be why I'm still confused about my role. Am I a writer? A designer? A children's book writer? Or an illustrator? No matter how much I think about what I should call myself, I can't come up with an answer. As I write, the confusion is getting worse.
While writing, I want to draw.
While drawing, I get inspired to write.
While writing again, I create a fairy tale.
While making a children’s book, I try to design it.
When I see myself being fickle like this, my feelings become more complicated.
The writer in me tells me not to draw,
The artist in me begs me to love her more,
The designer in me cries out to me not to abandon her,
Snoopy, the character-friend in me, just smiles and remains carefree.
I can finally say, “I am Kunah,” and “I am Korean,” having found these two identities. I have just about managed to define myself as “Kunah, and I live up to my name, a beautiful Korean hibiscus, who is blooming in Australia.”
With the disappearance of my role as a student in 2023, unable to bear the void, the writer, the artist, the designer in me... the conflict within me is real; they're vying to take control of that space.
In the meantime, my son says he likes me the best as his mother, and it's driving me crazy. I only have one body, but there are multiple versions of me, so if I had 100 bodies, I think I could provide equal opportunities to all of them. And I would give them a hundred names and nurture them like this.
The mum in me lovingly,
The wife in me also lovingly,
The writer in me preciously,
The designer in me with a unique flair,
The illustrator in me colorfully,
The children's book author in me child-like,
The me dreaming of translation delicately.
However, upon reflection, where is the ‘real me’ that embraces a hundred versions of myself that perform all these roles? I can't even find the real me hidden among so many roles. I don't even know how long I've been hiding. So, I guess I neglected the me who had the name ‘real’.
“The truth returns to itself as it is. Today it shows only a glimpse of one form, and tomorrow of another. And then the next day, the forms intermingle.”
Thoreau's Journal (Note 1)
If you put a soccer ball pattern in a circle, it takes the name ‘soccer ball’. From then on, the circle becomes a soccer ball, and the role of the soccer ball begins.
If you draw the top of an apple inside a circle, it takes the name ‘apple’. Then, it is filled with delicious apple flesh and apple juice. Only then it can fulfil its role as an apple.
So, is the circle doing its job well? Is it showing the truth? Can it support the soccer ball and the apple well without losing the shape of the circle? So people can enjoy the fun of soccer? So that it can show off the taste of apples?
I was also given the name Kunah. However, I need to take a closer look at whether I really lived as ‘Kunah’ or whether I didn’t live up to that name. I think the time has come to see if the truth is really happening. This year, 2024, I will have to do my best to find Kunah's true self and help her shine on her own.
Nietzsche said, ‘In order for the creator to be reborn as a child, she must first become a mother and not shy away from childbirth.’ (Note 2)
To give birth to the true me, the real me, I will first break the present me,
I will refill myself
with in-depth reading,
with a pure picture,
with powerful steps,
with natural scenery,
with precious relationships.
In this way,
I will be able to better support the 'many versions of myself' who are playing various roles.
I will be able to support them better.
I will be able to showcase my charm to my heart’s content.
and
I will live as a different me every day.
For one day, I will live as an artist.
For a different day, I will live as a writer.
And for another day, I will live as a designer.
And for a different day, I will mix all of these aspects of myself.
I will lead all of them.
I will take care of them.
To accomplish more wonderful things,
we will grow together.
Actually, I am a dragon.
The Dragon met the Year of the Dragon,
Shouldn’t I take a leap?
As the dragon moves,
As the dragon wishes,
As the dragon feels,
If I follow along,
Naturally, won't I face my own dragon?
Then, I will say thank you.
I hope it will be a beautiful, brave, and great dragon.
I trust the dragon of 2024.
Please guide me carefully, accurately, wisely, thoughtfully and thoroughly.
Please accompany me and keep me company loyally, bravely, consistently, lovingly and beautifully.
This is my wish.
Copyright 2024. 정근아 all rights reserved.I found a dragon rock while taking a picture at the Royal National Park on January 1, 2024.
(Note 1): Henry David Thoreau was an American naturalist, essayist, poet, and philosopher.
* Special thanks to Paul Holmes, my English tutor.
* We translated this article into English together.
