Is there a reason?

Does everything really happen for a reason? Or things just happen randomly without any bigger cause but we just want to believe otherwise for the peace of our mind? In my 40's after having been through a lot and read through a lot, I still have no clue.

The year is almost ending. However all the problems in my life that I've been trying to solve or all the destinations that I've been trying to get to feel uncatchable. And now I'm scared that all the decisions that I wanted to believe as the right ones might be just pointless or turn out even harmful in the end.

To sort things through, I go out and run. In the beginning, I try to think right and seek for answers. But into 10~15 minutes of running, I find myself not thinking about my issues anymore. All I can think about is how hard it is to breathe while running and whether I should stop running and walk instead. When I finally get to that 30 minutes of painful running, I can stop. All the problems that have clouded my mind before seem so tiny and brush-offable right now.

The heavy clouds will eventually come back again. And I would never figure out if it happens for a reason or not. But I can still go out and run.